Where Are You Going?

Well, as promised, here is a picture of me and Loretta.


6 days. That's all I have left. It's really just so hard to believe. But as I see my room become more and more sparse, it is very real.

This post is a song-title post, by the way.

So, where am I going? Onward and upward. I'm on my way. But my time here in Tuscaloosa has brought me many, many things. Many realizations about my own life and about who I am. And who I want to be. About 2 weeks ago, I was driving and pondering. (A hazard of being Nilla is that you can ponder while doing almost anything). And I suddenly realized the point at which my life's path started becoming clear. And it amazed me. And it made me remember another realization that came to me here, a year or more ago. At that time, I looked back over the past couple of years and realized that, quite literally, the path to choosing my career had been made clear to me. And I've been on track ever since. I will tell you that becoming a librarian was never part of my grand plan when I was growing up. I will admit that I originally thought I would be an elementary school teacher. And then I decided on Journalism. And then Chemistry so I could go into Forensics. But then one day, as I miserably plowed through Differential Equations, I realized that I was completely unhappy with the classes I was taking. And the more I thought about the path I was pursuing at that point, the less happy I was with it. No matter what kind of education I had ever planned to get, part of my plans for my future had always been to be a wife and mother. And, like my mom did with us, I wanted to stay home with my children. I started to realize that, if I got into a field that required finely tuned skills, there would be a good chance I'd lose those skills if I left work for a few years to raise my children. Now, this may not be true for everyone, but it seemed to me that it would be true for me. I've certainly become rusty with my Spanish now that I don't really use it. Granted, I could re-acquire those skills. But in a science field, I figure things are always changing so fast that 10 years out of it would leave me very behind. So I began pondering what I really wanted to do. And the answer was: be home with my children. I knew in my heart that there was no greater thing I could do, and it was the desire of my heart. And, since I'd been working in libraries at that point for 6 years, I felt like this was a career that could make me happy should I need to work, and one that I would always be able to go back into if I should stay home with my children for several years. Being that the library degree is a master's degree, and that there is no specific undergraduate degree for it, I was able to decide what I wanted my major to be in undergraduate at that point. I decided I really liked English, and I have always excelled at it. I already had so many math credits that I made that my minor. And everything fit perfectly. Absolutely perfectly. Not a single class was wasted, and I made the change at the perfect time.

Of course, this also lined up with my job at the time. As I said, I had been working in libraries for 6 years by that point. That almost wasn't true. As you know, I was a branch librarian. Now, there was not a lot of money to be made as a branch librarian with no education in a small town in Southeast Alabama. Seriously, I was making about $6.50 an hour and working 30 hours a week. Now, don't misunderstand me. I loved the job. But I knew it wasn't going to help me get my education, and other things. I saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at Troy University in Dothan for a library assistant position. I applied for it. After a month, I hadn't heard anything and I actually forgot about it. Then one day, out of the blue, the director there called me to come in for an interview. I was so excited! I went for the interview, but was emailed the next day and informed that I had not gotten the job. It was a let-down, of course. But by the next day, my spirits were up, and I decided I would tweak my resume to display secretarial skills. The bottom line was that I needed a full-time job making more than $6.50 an hour. And since we were talking about moving to Dothan, I figured it would be best to work in Dothan. So, that morning I got my resume all ready and I was going to start looking for a job as a secretary somewhere. At lunchtime, I was driving into town to look at a possible apartment for us to move into when I got a phone call from Troy! Turns out I was the second choice and the first choice turned the job down. Of course you know that I took the job. The reason I mention this is that I realize I probably wouldn't have considered getting my MLIS if I had gotten out of librarianship at that point. But, the path opened up. Furthermore, my working at Troy helped me get a much less expensive education.

But, back to the school side of it. Now, I am notorious about having things planned out. I would plan out my semesters all the way to the end -- which classes I would take when. Now, Troy Dothan is not a huge school. It's a nontraditional university, and there aren't as many class offerings, so you aren't guaranteed that a class will be offered every semester. In fact, the majority of the upper-level classes are only offered once a year. I was on track for graduating in August 2006 when all of a sudden they split a class into two separate classes, one of which became required, but which they were not offering until Fall 2006. I was devastated! Here I had been working so hard, going to school full-time, working full-time, to get the classes I needed, and this happened! I had just about resigned myself to having to wait until December 2006 to graduate when they decided to offer the combined class (required) one last time for those of us who wouldn't be able to graduate without it. This meant I would have to take 5 classes in Spring 2006. But it was either that or delay graduation. So I did it. Once again, the stumbling blocks were removed. I graduated in August 2006.

During this time, I also had applied to graduate school at UA for my MLIS. I had applied for the online program. Sometime in May 2006, I learned I had not been admitted to the online program, but that I had been admitted to the school in general. Again, I was so distraught. In order to get my MLIS, I would have to go to campus in some form or fashion Moving to Tuscaloosa meant having to find a new job. Not moving would mean I would take longer to finish and would spend a lot of money in gas. At first I thought I could get my degree going 1/2 time at a campus in Birmingham. I started looking for jobs in Birmingham in public libraries. I even interviewed for one. I was not happy with the woman who interviewed me and didn't know if I wanted the job if she offered it to me. Well, she didn't offer it to me, so that worked out well. And it worked out even better, because I found out that it would have taken me about 4 years to get my degree that way, because they only offered about 1 class at a time at the campus in Birmingham. So, I started to look in Tuscaloosa. Immediately, 3 jobs in the library here on campus opened up. I interviewed for 2 of them and was called for an interview on the 3rd, but as I was already assured I had one of the two positions in cataloging, I didn't take the circulation interview. Things moved quickly, and I got the job. After a slight scare in apartment hunting, once again the stumbling block was removed, and I had an apartment that I could afford and that was safe, although it was definitely older. But, it was mine. And then I started work, and learned that this University kicks in tuition assistance from day one. What a blessing! 100% of one class per semester, plus 50% of each additional class on top of that each semester. And then I got 2 scholarships.

Of course, Tuscaloosa hasn't been without its stumbling blocks too. Remember I got evicted in September and wasnt' sure what I was going to do. But, that stumbling block was removed and I became Stefanie's roommate, which was a huge blessing in so many ways. Then, once again, I thought I wasn't going to get to graduate in August, because they weren't offering that one class I needed. But once again, that got fixed. Everything worked together, the timing is right. I am done with school, and my lease is up August 8th. This is the time for me to move on. I know it is.

So, where am I going? I'm going to Washington. Why? Because I know that's where I am to go at this point. I don't know why yet. But I know that's where I'm supposed to be. And I know that, just as the path has been made clear -- as the stumbling blocks have been removed repeatedly -- it will be that way again. I am being guided and directed, and I am blessed. And I will forever remember Tuscaloosa as a place where I witnessed miracles in my life in various forms; where I became stronger, even though it felt like I never would; I have gained insights and seen the way the Lord has worked in my life to bring about blessings for me; and I have learned. I have learned. And I am working toward what I want -- the desires of my heart, one day at a time.