Motherhood Means Wearing Many Hats...

...like:

Play-mate...

Doctor...

Chef...

Protector...

Dentist...

Cheer-leader...

Story-teller (or reader)...

Snuggler...

Bather...

Dryer...

Encourager...

And many more.  These hats are donned daily.  And changed often. 

The best one is snuggler.  Well, maybe.  There's a lot of really awesome ones :).

Like these:

I wouldn't trade motherhood for anything.  Even on the hard days.  This little girl has changed me for the better.  And anytime I see her, I can't help but smile. 

Her newest accomplishments? 

Folding her arms for prayer (she does this as soon as she sees me put food on the table or attach her tray to her high chair.  It's beyond cute. 

Saying "baby".  And I think she's even starting to realize what it means.

Running up to the heater installed in the hallway wall (which doesn't work) and strumming her hands across the vent part whenever Jeremy gets home.  She plays him music.  And gets very excited about it.  It's a daily occurrence in our household right now -- one I'll miss when he starts swing shift in the next couple days.  We've dubbed it "strumming the banjo."  It actually makes Jeremy feel really good too.  She is just so excited to see him when he comes home from work.

She has perfected "no."  and when to use it.  Which, for her, is anytime she's asked a question.  "Do you want more pancake?"  "No."  "Is Mommy nice?"  "No."  Hmmm...

I'm sure there are more, but those are the ones I can think of right this second.  She is amazing, though.  And I love her more every day.

(We're still nervous about how she'll handle not being able to run around in the airplane for 4 hours...)

Beard-Face

...And if you know and love Scrubs like I do...  You're pronouncing that differently :).

Speaking of Scrubs...  It's on the list of things that are happening in November when I'm in Alabama.  It's already been discussed.  Will be the coolest ever.  Well, maybe tied for the coolest ever.  Because I have a lot of cool parties ;).

Anyway...

Just a couple of pictures from tonight.  When Jeremy's beard doesn't get shaved off...  It's a sure sign the project at work is finishing up.  It's some tradition the engineers in his -- we'll call it a group -- do every project.  And then, eventually, some of them shave the beard and leave the mustache.  I could really pass on that part...  But it doesn't last long ;).

First, there's my munchkin.  You may not be able to tell now, but I trimmed up her hair a bit in the front.  It was always in her eyes.  I did a hatchet job, really...  But she doesn't really care.  As long as I don't dare try to put anything in her hair or on her head!

So that picture was because Jeremy was originally making a goofy face.  But I thought it turned out pretty cute, so I kept it :). 

And then we did our family picture.  Very informal, as you can tell.  Jeremy's already in his hole-y pajama shirt.  He laughed about that.  But I think a pretty good picture, nonetheless. 

So yep, the end of the project is nigh at hand...  Which is good and bad.  Good because the project will be done.  Bad because it means the month of October is going to feel like I'm a single mom again -- Jeremy will be working a ton of overtime.  But then it'll be November.  And I'll be winging my way to Alabama and all the awesomeness there.  So it's all good :).  And then, we see where we go from there!  (As of right now, it'll be on to the next project!)

Just Some News

As some of you may have heard, I will be heading to Alabama in the not-too-distant future.  Yeehaw!

We are flying Southwest for the first time ever.  I'm pretty excited I can take checked bags for free.  Because traveling with a kid means you don't travel light.  That's what I've learned. 

We are already sort of contemplating how unpleasant it may be to fly with a toddler.  But she did awesome at 5 months...  And she did great in the car.  So here's to hoping!  The problem is we won't stop every 2 or 3 hours to let her get out and run... 

But we are flying in the day-time this time.  So hopefully she won't disrupt too many people's sleep, if she's fussy.  We'll be finding some cool apps for the tablet too.  And maybe find a way to put some Sesame Street Elmo stuff on there.

The girl loves Elmo.  Did I mention that?  After letting her watch it on the car ride back from Utah, she has been hooked!  If you show her a picture of Elmo, she starts dancing from side to side and trying to sing his song ("la la la la").  It's so stinkin' cute.  But who knew Elmo would be such a hit with my toddler?  She now brings me the Sesame Street DVDs we own for me to put them on for her.  I concede about once a week. 

Anyway...  The other thing she loves to do is to have us take video of her with Jeremy's camera and then let her watch it. 

That's her, watching one of her videos on the camera.  How cute is she!?!  She'll just toddle around watching the videos over and over and over.  And whenever I'm singing in the video, she starts dancing (while watching herself dance in the video).  It's pure awesomeness.

Just a selfie from last week.  I need to get this kid a hair cut.  Seriously.  She won't let me do barrettes!  That's a weird word, by the way.  She had her 15 month check-up last Tuesday.  She's seriously a champ.  She got 3 shots.  Only cried after the 3rd one.  Poor baby girl.  But she quite crying after a minute.  This kid is amazing to me.

Watched the girls this weekend.  And so we built a blanket fort in the living room.  The girls loved it.  Lynnaea loved being Godzilla and walking into everything and pulling off clothespins.  She did have fun going under it with the girls...  But she didn't like the low-lying areas where she was too tall.  Now that she can walk, crawling is just not her thing. See?

Another selfie...  It got nice and chilly here.  Then today it warmed up.  I spoke with my sister-in-law on the phone and she asked how I was handling the heat...  My distaste for hot weather is well-known, obviously ;)...  I commented that it didn't seem so bad here.  Well, that was at 2ish.  By 5ish, it was hot with the evening sun blazing through the window of the living room.  Blech.  But it's been dropping into the lower temps at night, and that makes all the difference.  It's comfortable now. 

Why did I write that?  Because you can see Lynnaea was all warm and snug in her fleece footie pajamas.  So I figured I'd tell you I wasn't roasting my kid in mid-September.  Tonight she isn't wearing those ;).

And, finally, a picture of the cute girls in the door of their blanket fort.

It wasn't as awesome as I'd like it to have been.  Jeremy could have done it better (too bad he was at work when it was constructed).  Our living room has too much empty space, so it was hard to get the cool fort thing.  But the girls loved it anyway, and that's what matters.  I love how Lynnaea no longer "cheeses" for the camera.  She waits until after the flash to get all excited and smile. 

So that's life.  Just some fun stuff.  :).

The Power of No

Someone learned the word "No" in the last couple days.

I'll give you two guesses who that someone is...  And the first one doesn't count ;).

Mommy:  "It's time to get out of the bath."  As I open the towel.

Lynnaea:  "No."  She forms the word very well.

Yeah... It's kind of cute right now. 

But it won't be for very long. 

They learn fast, don't they?

Tomorrow is her 15 month check up.  I think she gets more shots.  Boo.  Poor thing. 

Also, I have 3 cavities.  And we have the crappiest dental insurance coverage ever.  Well, maybe not ever.  It does cover preventative stuff.  But when you're a lousy flosser like I am...  It's not a good wager to go with the preventative care only option. 

Super. Lame.

I'm still going to go to Alabama on vacation.  Sometimes a girl just needs what she left behind.

Uncertainties

I know how everyone loves the deeply personal, right?  The real life.  The nitty gritty. 

Some people may not approve of my openness about things.  I'm okay with that.  Everyone has their opinions and feelings about things.  I keep lots of things close and unspoken.  Others I feel fine with sharing. 

Pregnancies -- or lack thereof -- are among those I feel fine with sharing. 

So here's the thing:  before Jeremy and I got married, I had a very real fear that I would not get pregnant easily (if at all).  And if I did get pregnant, I feared the high probability of miscarriage.

But then I got married.  And we got pregnant like right away.  I was so happy I didn't have to fear not getting pregnant. 

But then I miscarried.  And that was incredibly traumatic for me.  I lived in such fear that I would miscarry every baby I was able to conceive.  I felt like it was my fault.  My body had failed me.  I was afraid of going through it all again.  But I wanted a baby so very much.  It had been my dream for so long.  And so we tried again, right away.

And I got pregnant again.  Right away.  It was then I realized we wouldn't have problems conceiving like I'd feared.  And I breathed a sigh of relief.  Somewhat.  Because I still feared miscarriage.  And, at 7 weeks, I thought I'd had another one.  Turned out it was a blood vessel or something.  Because Lynnaea came along despite what I thought :).  And it was amazing.  Pregnancy was amazing and wonderful.  I loved feeling her move and seeing her move.  True, motherhood was a shock to my system in many ways.  And it took me by surprise and took me longer to adjust than I ever anticipated it would.  But I love it.  And I knew I wanted to do it again.

And so, when we got pregnant again in May without really trying (but not really not trying), I was again reassured that getting pregnant would not be difficult for us.  3 pregnancies as soon as we "tried" made for great statistics. 

But then I miscarried again.

We felt certain we'd be pregnant again, though.  As soon as my body went through a regular cycle and we tried again. 

...But we didn't get pregnant that month.  Or the next.  And not this month either. 

And, yeah, I know it doesn't always happen right away...  But for us, three times, it did.  And now... Nothing.

Will life be miserable if we do not have more children?  No.  We are incredibly blessed with our sweet Lynnaea.  In fact, I often wonder if we aren't being spoiled by what a mellow baby/toddler she is and our next kiddo will be the opposite ;).

But I have always wanted to be a mother of more than one.  I want Lynnaea to have siblings. 

And so, with 3 months in a row being unsuccessful (though when I say we are trying, I don't mean we are taking temperatures and being all scientific about it) after a miscarriage; and knowing I am getting older...  Well, I am starting to be a little worried. 

It makes me sad to think we may never open up those boxes of infant clothes again.  Or that I bought a bumbo from a friend after Lynnaea was too old for it for nothing, because we'll never have a baby to put in it again.  I don't want to give away all our baby stuff one day, knowing we had hoped for more babies but didn't get them in this life.

...But many women have that happen.  And who am I to think I shouldn't be one of them? 

So, I'm not giving up hope.  Just sharing my thoughts.  We are very blessed.  Lynnaea is amazing and I love her so incredibly.  I hope to give her a brother or sister (or both ;)) one day.  But if not...

It'll be okay.  Even if it will be sad.