Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Just Some Pictures

Here are a few cute pictures of my cutie.  Just for fun :).
Here she is, practicing for the big plane ride...  We've got that tablet loaded with Elmo.  And we bought her head-phones.  We wanted to see how she did with the head-phones.  She did great. 
Jeremy built her a couch fort.  She thought it was fun...  For about 15 minutes ;).  
When I'm in the kitchen, she opens that cabinet and sits there...  The other day she even brought a book to read while she sat waiting for me to finish the dishes.
It's just so stinkin' cute.  Sometimes we find her burp rags (we call them her spitties) in there -- I guess she tucks them away for just in case.  She doesn't need burp rags anymore...  But because they were such a prevalent part of her infancy, she became attached to them, particularly the embellished cloth diaper ones.  She uses them in place of a blankie when she sucks her thumb. 
This little girl has my heart.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Today Was [Not] the Greatest

It's a song-title post!  Like the first in forever! (I love this Smashing Pumpkins song.  I remember watching it on MTV.)

The good news is that the day ended on a good note. 

The rest of the day... not the greatest day ever. 

It began at 6:40 when the munchkin woke up.  I tried to convince her she wanted to sleep longer with me in my bed.  She was having none of that.  So we got up. 

And she was uber-fussy.  And I was uber-grumpy.  She yelled at me because I wouldn't give her one of my pre-natal vitamins (the audacity, Mommy!).  Yep, she's entered the tantrum phase.  And so we've started showing her that the only place it's okay for her to throw tantrums is in her room.  We carry her in there, put her on her toddler bed (which she isn't currently sleeping in yet, but it's a good option for her when she's not really being punished and can therefore leave her room of her own choice) and tell her she is welcome to come out when she is ready to not be angry with us.  Then we pull the door to (not closed, so she can get out) and return to what we were doing.  She usually comes out within 30 seconds. And so far, her mood improves just as fast...

She also yelled at me because I insisted on holding the cup with the chocolate peanut butter banana smoothie we were sharing, even while she was drinking out of it.  Because I didn't want it spilled all over the place.  We again talked about where tantrums were appropriate.  (Not that we are super-excited to have her throw them... But we acknowledge that she has opinions and she is her own littler person with likes and dislikes and frustrations.  We believe she has the right to express herself, but there is an appropriate way and place for her to be in a bad mood...).

Of course, maybe I should have stayed in my bed all day since I was grumpy.  Too bad mommies don't have that option.  I'd have gladly taken it today!

Anyway, I did a lot of baking (prepping for the Christmas goodies give-away I do every year...).  Plus I had a friend coming over with her kiddos for dinner since her husband is away for work and she needed a mommy break -- and her kids love rough-housing with Jeremy.  Plus I was making enough to take to another friend who just had baby number 5 -- and the first one via c-section.  So, I was in the kitchen a lot, and Lynnaea didn't like that, because she kind of likes to be played with a lot. 

And I'll confess, I let her watch way too much TV today.  In the interest of her being happy and me getting stuff done.

And we did blow bubbles for a while -- which she thought was great.  Until she wanted to hold the bubble solution and I wouldn't let her.  Then she yelled at me again.  Repeat the "your bedroom" discussion. 

By the time Jeremy got home, I was just not in the happiest of moods.  I was exhausted and trying to finish everything.  My house looked like a disaster. 

And my thought:  This is why some women choose to work and send their kids to daycare! 

And then I felt guilty.  Because I have, for as long as I can remember, always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom.  But some days are hard.  And, until you're in the thick of it, you don't realize there are really hard days.  Before you are a stay-at-home mom, you live in ignorant bliss of what that really means

So, I thought of my own mom a lot today, while I was being the complete antithesis of the kind of mom she has always been -- and the kind of mom I aspire to be:  patient always, loving always, generous and giving always.  Being that she is, in fact, human, I am sure my mom had her frustrations when she had two toddlers running around -- or even a toddler and an infant!  But I cannot recall a time where I ever felt like she regretted being home with me -- or wished I'd just go away. 

And so, today, as I had those thoughts...  I felt a heavy heart.  Shame.  Guilt. 

Because I love being home with my Lynnaea.  I love her so very much.  And at the end of the day, as I hold her while she starts to fall asleep, and I sing to her...  Or while I read her stories before we head to her bedroom, and she calmly and sweetly sits on my lap and barks at the appropriate spot in the doggie story (she says "woof!" every time I point to the dog in the book; so I point to the dog every time the story says "woof!" -- it works great, and we're reading together :)).  In those moments, I look back over the day and think, "What was so hard about today?  Why couldn't I just deal?" 

And the answer is, I don't know.  Jeremy says we just have our ups and downs... 

But even so...  I want to be better than this.  Lynnaea deserves better.  And so, though today definitely wasn't the greatest day of ever...  Tomorrow is a new day.  And I'll try again.  To be the mommy I want to be.  And the mommy my precious girl deserves.  True, mommy-hood is not all roses.  But it's a wonderful blessing.  And I honestly wouldn't trade it -- or being home with my daughter -- for anything.  Even if, for a split second, I think I might...

Monday, November 10, 2014

Golden Girl Musings

Excuse me while I wax nostalgic for a bit...  I am feeling nostalgic on this crisp Autumn day here in the Pacific Northwest.  It's beautiful outside.  And something about the chilly air, and the uncharacteristically sunny sky at this time of year, has me thinking of Alabama.  The weather reminds me of that today...

Of course, that's not all that's been turning my thoughts to Alabama and reminiscences of days gone by.  I've also been watching some old episodes of The Golden Girls, which I borrowed from the public library.  And these are the things I remember, as a result; for The Golden Girls always bring to mind memories of summers spent visiting Dothan:

...Supermarket Sweep.  You see, this was a game show we would watch every summer in Dothan when we would visit.  I'm not even sure why I liked this show so much, but I did!  And, honestly, if it was still on TV; and if we had cable, I'd probably still watch it.  Even if for no other reason than old times' sake.  I just got sucked in to watching that episode I linked on Youtube... 

...Crystal Pepsi.  It came out in 1993.  And that summer, we visited Dothan.  I remember the excitement of walking down to the little convenience store at the end of my grandmother's road.  I think it was called Lolo's or something.  And the following time we were there on vacation, my grandmother said we couldn't go there anymore as someone had been shot.  Ah well... But in the summer of 1993, it was one of the places we went to "escape" the boredom of being at the house all the time.  And we'd buy the Crystal Pepsi -- and other yummy treats :).

...Nick at Night!  Being in Dothan meant having many more cable channels than we had in Panama.  And we loved it!  Every night, we'd watch Nick at Night.  And that's how we got introduced to some awesome classics like Mary Tyler Moore.  The one rule:  we couldn't be loud and the TV couldn't be either.  Once my grandmother went to bed, we needed to be quiet.

...Strawberry Shortcake.  The dessert, not the 80s toy.  Honestly, our summer vacations spent in Dothan were full of yummy treats.  My mom would go to the grocery store and get all sorts of yummies for us to have.  One of them was the little yellow sponge-cakes, strawberries (which she'd slice and sprinkle with sugar), and cool whip in a can.  I don't know why I remember that one so fondly, but I do. 

...Unsolved Mysteries.  We loved that show too!  And watched it on a couple different channels at a couple different times every day.  Some of the episodes freaked us out.  Seriously.

...Rice.  Lots and lots of rice.  Rice with dinner every day.  My grandmother usually cooked dinner -- and the Panamanian in her made sure rice was always on the menu.  It was a good thing, though.  She made the best white rice.  And we'd have it with a variety of meat dishes:  ropa vieja was one of them I remember.  And some sort of platano (plantain) dish.  Good stuff.

Yep, so there's a little variety of the memories that float through my brain every time I watch The Golden Girls.  They are happy memories :).  I've had a good life :).

...But before I end, I should go back to the future ;).  Or the present ;).  And show you a couple pictures.  From Halloween and other stuff :).
Nice side-ways picture...  But Lynnaea and I chilled on the couch on Halloween and she took a mini nap before Trunk or Treat at the church.  (she didn't go from car to car, because she doesn't need the candy... but we gave out candy and dressed up :)).
 Here we are!  Jeremy just threw on random stuff, but ended up being like a made scientist.  I was a witch, and Lynnaea was a Care Bear :).
Our friends Lea and Chuck stopped by the church to see Lynnaea and they also gave out some candy for a bit too.

 Me and the candy stash...
And this sweet girl trying on the witch hat ;).  So stinkin' cute!
Lynnaea is getting to the age where she wants to be involved in everything we do...  So Jeremy lets her help him make bread.  So after they get it all into the bread machine, she likes to watch it mix.
Then she is ready to get back down :).  So cute.  Love this girl.