Ready or Not, Here I Come!

You'll have to expect gaps in blog-posting from the Nilla. I'm sorry. But just imagine all the fun posts that will show up once I get a chance to post again :). I can assure you there will be pictures galore.

You know something? Knowing is so liberating. Which is probably where the idea of "the truth will set you free" came from. And yeah, the truth really will set you free. Knowing gives you direction and a sense of assurance. It's the not knowing that seems precarious. Of course, there are times in life when we just don't know, and we just have to have a little faith. And eventually, the knowledge will come as we seek it. For example, take my whole "Will I graduate in August?" dilemma. Yes, I want to graduate in August. Yes, I'm ready to move to Washington and have a "real" job where I am making decent money to help me plan for my future. I'm ready to be closer to my nieces and nephews, my siblings, and my mom. But I also know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me, and that, if I listen to His promptings, He will lead me where I need to be. So, when it was looking like they might not offer that class, I was looking at the possibility of "well, Washington might not be where I need to go in August" kind of thing. Maybe I was going to need to stay around here for a few more months. Which was fine with me. I mean, it would mean I'd have to figure out some things, like living arrangements, but I knew that would be fine if that's what it was supposed to be. Of course, I also didn't sit around on my laurels, either. I was proactive in this issue. I went and talked to the people in the library school, and I got in touch with other classmates so that we could petition for the class. I did everything I could do to be able to graduate in August. And I did that so that I knew that I'd done all I could. And if it still didn't work out... Well, then there was a reason for that. But my issue has always been the "knowing." I just wanted to know whether or not I was for sure going to be here for another 4 months (until December). It's the being up in the air that drives me nuts ;). Of course, that's also probably because I have that stubborn streak of impatience in me ;). My friend Julia-Ann, who keeps up with my blog, emailed me yesterday and said something along the lines of how, if we learn how to "let go and let God," it all works out in the end. How true. But many of you know the issues I have with letting go :). I really don't try to be that stubborn. I just can't stop worrying. I think that, in many ways, I've come a long way though. So maybe that was all part of why I'm here. Part of what I needed (and still do need) to learn (but that's a whole other post I've got brewing in my head). Anyway, so now that I know they are offering the class that I need, I am ready to start job-hunting. My hopes are not high for having a job before I move. This is simply because I have to get Washington State Certification (which requires proof of my degree (which I won't have until after August 9) and $25 (which is not the issue, the degree is :))), and also because a lot of jobs want a copy of my valid Washington State driver's license (I can give them a valid Alabama one :)...). But the point is, I'm going to start looking. And again, I know things will fall into place. Whereas before, I didn't want to start putting out applications if I didn't know if I was going to graduate in August or December.

Anyway, although, again, I don't have any hopes of really getting this job, I have found a job for which I fully intend to apply. It is a branch manager position about an hour away from where my mom lives (in a very rich area of Washington... near where Bill Gates lives, actually). Which is a little farther than I want to be, but again, I'm not expecting to be offered the job. For one thing, I'm sure they are not wanting to wait until July or August before they fill the position. And even then, I wouldn't have the certification until probably September, maybe even October. Plus I don't have 2 years of certified library experience (which means I worked in a library for 2 years after I got my Masters). And I also don't have any real supervisory experience. However, I have been a branch manager before. I have held that level of responsibility. I don't think I'd be entirely out of line by applying for the job ;). So, I think I will :). And at the very least, I get the experience of having my application out there and getting back a rejection letter (which they have you fill out and address with the application, haha). I'll tell you what, applying for a library job in Washington is way different from anything I've done around here in Alabama. Anyway, that job seems ideal, so I'm going to try for it. And I'm going to try for anything else good that happens to be posted on my favorite job-search site :). Of course, I do realize that there is always the possibility that something may come up and I'm still not supposed to move to Washington in August. Right now, that doesn't look like that case at all. But I always know that's a possibility. And so I will just do all that I can do to have a job when I go there, and things will work out as they should, as long as I pay attention :). I'll know what I need to know when I need to know it, and I will be guided and directed :). Isn't it wonderful to be led by Someone who sees the big picture? I find great comfort in that (and honestly sometimes wish I could see the big picture too, because then I'd know :)... Yep, there are those control and impatience issues of mine, rearing their ugly heads ;)). I find even greater comfort in knowing that the big picture is seen by Someone who loves me and wants me to be happy. He will not lead me astray. And knowing that makes all the difference.

(Side note: I truly do find it ironic that one of the things I probably will NEVER forget about my mom is how she always told me that patience is a virtue. I don't think Brad, Christina, or Ben had to hear that statement nearly as often as I did. I know I've shared that before, but it is always in my mind. My mother was trying to teach me something I was going to need to know and have. (Side note inside a side note (man, I'm tangential :) -- that was for all you math nerds out there :)!!! And English nerds who like to play with the English language :)!!!: Which makes me think of Elka's post about how she began to know her son's needs instinctively, and I wonder if it isn't more than instinct. I wonder if it isn't revelation. And I know that it doesn't end when the children learn how to communicate their needs. Because sometimes the children don't even know what they need. Somehow my mom knew that I needed to learn patience, that it would be important for me to have it later on in life. :End side note within a side note) I'm not entirely sure I listened at all to my mom's mantra about patience, or at least I didn't understand it at the time. And actually, I got annoyed with her everytime she said it... mostly because I knew it was coming and didn't have the patience to hear it again -- irony, thy name is Nilla. And obviously impatience seems to be an innately Nilla trait :). My mother, on the other hand, has the patience of a saint. :End side note!).

Well, so that's that. I love the clarity that comes with knowing. And I love knowing I can trust Heavenly Father, even when I don't know what's going to happen (and even if it's hard for me to let go).

Oh yeah, and I have the weirdest dreams. So last night I dreamed that I was somewhere that had a beach, only it was inside. And then several of us were in the water, only the water was crystal clear, and it was in the whole building throughout the rooms. And we're talking deep water, so you have to swim in it and you can stand in some places. Well, we're swimming by a certain part and I notice a horse underwater. It's standing up, like a statue. So I say something about it, and we swim back. Everyone except one person sees it. And so we're trying to get him to see the horse, only now it's a man. And it's like you have to be at a certain angle to see this man-who-used-to-be-a-horse in the water. But still the guy can't see the man, even from that angle. And then later, when we are all leaving, we're in like a big van or something and I remember saying to the guy who couldn't see the horse or the man that it's probably because his eyes don't work that way, just like he can't do those Magic Eye things (yeah, that's so random, but that's really what I said in the dream). And also while we were driving, we looked back toward the building where we'd been, and it looked like a castle. Just thought I'd share with you the weird ideas of my subconscious.