You Stink!

Well, in the interest of keeping those memories I mentioned yesterday closely tied to yesterday's post (for reasons that will soon become very obvious to you), I have decided to write about them now. And trust me, you won't want to miss this.

Okay, I will say, given the facts, that one of two things (or possibly both) follow me from place to place -- or apartment to apartment. The choices are:

1. Rodents
2. Death

(Sadly, because I'm 4 for 4 on the death one, I'm thinking it's probably that one first...).

So you all know the story about the two mice rescued by Stefanie. And their short lives as our "pets." So, on this story, we're 1 and 1 -- 1 rodent, 1 death. Let me continue to enlighten you on my past.

So, the first year of our marriage, Heath and I lived in a little 1-bedroom apartment across the street from the library at which I worked (very convenient for rolling out of bed 5 minutes before work -- but as that is not pertinent to this story, I'll leave it at that). Now, the landlord lived next door and the wife was the previous librarian, who I replaced when she retired. Anyway, the building in which we lived was actually an old church that the landlords had bought and converted into 3 small apartments. Ours was the smallest, at 1 bedroom. And it was cheap. I'm thinking we paid about $200 a month for that. Anyway, built onto the back of the building was an old wooden structure that used to be the pastor's "house." That part wasn't rented out, but the landlord used it for his personal storage. So one week before we were to move out, I went into the bathroom. (Our washer and dryer were in the bathroom, by the way. And there was no vent for the dryer... It was like a sauna in there when the dryer was running -- ah, newlywed life). I smelled a faint smell of rot. But only got a whiff of it every here and there. I got Heath to come in there and smell, and he didn't smell anything. Which made me believe it was my imagination, because his sense of smell is something like 100 times better than mine -- it's practically super-human ;). But, I got another whiff of it and thought, "Oh, I'll just light a nice candle (it was probably vanilla -- right Julie ;)?) and it will go away." And that was pretty successful. I believe that was a Saturday or Sunday. The next day (let's call it Monday), the smell was stronger. Heath smelled it too now. And we only smell it in the bathroom. But it's distinctly a rotting smell. And it's strongest against the wall where the washer is. So, we pull out our washer and dryer, thinking maybe a sock fell down into the washer somewhere and was molding away (which wouldn't explain the rot smell, but hey... you explore every avenue). We tip the washer on it's side and end up learning a lot about washing machines -- did you know they are basically hollow except for that tub? So, nothing in the washer. Then we checked the dryer, thinking maybe something crawled in there and got heated to death. Nope. So then we have to reconnect everything. And we still have no explanation and we just settle on keeping the bathroom door closed at all times and holding our breaths while in there -- except in the shower, of course... We'd have died without breathing for that long. By Tuesday, the smell is even stronger. It's becoming unbearable. The smell almost makes it worthwhile to impose the old girls' camp porta-potty-rule: once in the morning and once at night -- hold it the rest of the time. Or use the library across the street. Because I had the keys. Because I'm cool like that. Anyway, we determine that we must get to the bottom of this mystery. It is bad now, and we are trying to pack, because we are moving, literally, in 4 days. So you can imagine the state of our little apartment. Well, I go into the bathroom and look up at the ceiling. I see a little brown spot that looks like liquid has soaked into the ceiling. So I wonder... did a mouse die up there and it's decaying onto the ceiling. Gross, I know. Well, our bedroom had an entrance into the "attic" (remember, this is a converted church building, so the actual ceilings are way way higher than the ceiling they added for the apartment). So Heath gets up there and shines his flashlight in the general direction of the bathroom. He reports that he can see the insulation matted down in a spot. So, our money is on a dead mouse. I tell him I'll tell Mr. Rice the following day. Mystery solved. So the next morning, we somehow survive the swamp of decay that is what our bathroom has become. Ick. I have class that morning. I get home around noon. I don't even make it inside the door when I am slammed with a smell so powerful, I know I can't stand it anymore. There had been a time when we seriously thought we could just endure the smell, since, shirley, it couldn't get any worse by the weekend... but those days and plans were long gone, because, shirley, the smell had become unbearable. (I just called you Shirley twice, in case you didn't notice :)). So, I walk over to talk to Mrs. Rice, since Mr. Rice isn't home at the moment. She tells me she smelled it too when she went out to their storage area to get canning jars. She said she'd tell him as soon as he got home. So, I went on to work and opened up the library like a good librarian -- always serving, even in the face of trials ;). Hahaha... Mr. Rice came over when he got home, and I explained to him our thoughts and discoveries. Then he disappeared over into the apartments. And I was cringing slightly at the disarray he would find in our messy apartment. Right around 3:00, he returned. He told me he'd been up in the attic over our bathroom, but that spot was just a wet spot from rain water. He said he'd looked around up there everywhere (and it was nice and hot, so I'm sure it wasn't pleasant for him). He found nothing. So, he said, he got to thinking... He went into the storage area and started looking around with his flashlight... And he found it. He came over to see if I wanted to see what it was. I was a little unsure... But, I went. I put a note on the door that said, "Be back in 5 minutes" and walked across the street. I wandered through the old building with him and his flashlight. And there, against the wall (the other side of which is our bathroom) is a dead cat. Ewwwwww.... It's no wonder it smelled so bad!!! That was AWFUL! And I'm sure it wouldn't have ended quickly. That was a big cat. So, Mr. Rice took it and buried it somewhere -- a job not for the likes of me. So, I totally wanted to make a sub-heading for this story and title it (and link it) this: Smelly Cat. But that would have given it away, and I like telling this story the way it happened to us. Oh, and this smell might have actually rivaled "OOo-stank" smell.

If you're keeping score, we're now: Rodent - 1; Death - 2.

Like I said, we moved away that weekend (and with the removal of the dead cat, the smell was removed also). We moved to a townhouse in Dothan. This was around May 2004. Sometime around December, I was sitting on one end of our couch and I started to smell rot and decay again. But again, only in whiffs. And when I'd go to the other end of the couch, I didn't smell it. So, again, I thought it was my imagination. But, as the experience, when sitting on that end of the couch, persisted, I started to grow suspicious. And then, one night, Jon and Julie were over. Julie was sitting on the "stinky" end of the couch. I said something to her about how I always smell something when I sit there (obviously I was a gracious hostess, since I allowed my guest to take the stinky end). And Julie says, "Yeah, I keep getting a whiff of something." So, proof that it wasn't my imagination just recalling the smell of the cat! So, we pull out the couch and search inside it, thinking something crawled up in there and died. No dice. (Hey, at least our furniture and appliances are clean). Eventually, it becomes clear that it's something in the wall -- probably a mouse that has died. And we will just have to wait until it's finished rotting. I guess we should just be thankful it was a mouse instead of a cat... A mouse is smaller.

Rodent - 2 (we assume)
Death - 3

Several months later... In the same apartment/townhouse, I was baking a cake for my friend Donna, whose birthday was the next day. I had it all mixed up and had just put it in the oven when I started to smell an overwhelming urine smell. It STUNK. I called Heath in there. After much searching, we found that there was mouse pee and other stuff under the stovetop. The good news is that the oven wasn't contaminated, but even so... We were horrified. And we didn't want to smell that any longer. So, we turned off the oven (which was heating up the surface and making the pee really smell) and took my uncooked cake out of the oven. And the next day we reported this. Now, we hadn't seen any mice. But obviously they were scampering around somewhere. So, we came home the next day and saw poison had been put out, the stove was cleaned up completely. The consensus was that they were getting in behind the stove (kind of like with the mice at the apartment Stefanie and I share). Perhaps apartment owners should look into a way of preventing this??? Anyway... After several days (or maybe even weeks), Heath got home before I did one day. I'm glad too. He was greeted with a kamikaze mouse on the kitchen floor. Based on evidence, we are pretty sure the mouse jumped to its death from the counter-top (and yes, we disinfected EVERY surface that night). Heath took pictures to prove it to me (not that I doubted him... But how often do you come home to kamikaze mice?) and then cleaned it up. I think the picture was also meant to be evidence for the apartment complex. Don't know if we ever shared it with them. Don't think I have the picture either... And I'm not going to search for it in my picasa pictures at home. On the up-side... kamikaze mouse didn't stick around long enough to smell.

So, rodent -- 3
Death -- 4

So, in 3 of the 4 apartments I've lived in since I moved out of my parents' house, this is what has followed me. Although I do want it duly noted that in my apartment I was living in this time last year -- alone -- I didn't have any mice or cats or dead mammals. I had to RAID a roach. But no mammals died. So, maybe it wasn't/isn't me, after all... ;). I wonder what joys the future holds in my new homes.... I tremble to imagine.

And for those of you who are now totally grossed out by this post, just be glad you only read it and didn't experience it ;).

*And Heath has guessed the movie quote correctly! And he even "sang" along with it in writing.*