A Politely Pleading Request

Dear males who use your public library:

I commend you for your use of the public library. That makes you wise. However, please do library workers all over the world one big favor: check your attire before coming in. What should you check for? Here's the list:

1. Will your pants or shorts stay in place rather than sliding low when you bend over? If you can answer yes to this question, you are prepared to go to the public library and can stop taking this questionnaire. If you answered no, please continue on to question 2.

2. Are you wearing underwear of some sort that will stay in place when your pants or shorts don't? If you answered yes, you can come to the library. We'd honestly prefer that #1 occur rather than #2, but we'll take #2 if it's all we can get. If you answered no, please go to question 3.

3. Is the shirt you are wearing long enough to cover any skin that may show when you bend over and your pants won't stay in place and you are not wearing underwear? If you answered yes, then you are ready to go to the library. If you answered no, please change your clothing so that you can answer yes to at least one of these three items (again, preferably #1), or please don't come to the library today.

And women -- if you have a husband/boyfriend/brother/other who doesn't meet the requirements above, please, for the love of all that is librarian, help the dude!!! And above all else, don't accompany him in this state of disarray and horror!

Sincerely, Your friendly neighborhood librarian Nilla.

Because I have now had the misfortune of seeing 2 butt cracks at the library, and I've only been there for a little over 2 and a half months. Those are not good odds. I mean, do they even look in the mirror?!? Maybe they do. Maybe they just don't bend over and check out their butts in the mirror :).