Get To Know Your Parents

My grandfather passed away today. I know that seems a depressing way to start a blog post. But it is a fact. We knew it was coming. But it seems so surreal. I thought perhaps it felt so surreal because I am in Alabama and somewhat removed from the upheaval that has taken place. But my mom assures me it seems just as surreal there. As I have lived with my grandparents and my mom for the past year, I have been given an opportunity to have a different perspective. And as I have pondered things today, I have realized this unique perspective I've been given.

Half of me feels terribly guilty that I am not in Washington right now. I talked to my mom before I left and came to the South. I discussed my trip and the fact that my grandfather had recently taken a turn for the worse. When I bought the tickets in July, he was doing quite well. But as my trip grew nearer and he grew worse, I knew the likelihood that he would pass while I was away was a high one. And more than anything, I worried about my mom. Perhaps that sounds cold and heartless. It is not that I do not care about the passing of my grandfather. But usually it is those left behind who need the support and love, for they are still here, mourning the loss of the loved one. And I thought I would be there for my mom when the time came. I know she has her sisters and my other siblings. But I love my mom so. And I want to be there for her when she needs me. She has always been there for me when I've needed her.

But then there is that other half. The half that is thankful I am here. Because I am with my dad. And as I ponder my grandfather's passing, I realize that there will be a day when my dad isn't here. This goes for my mom also, but I know I am returning to her shortly. It is my dad I do not see often anymore. It had been 6 months. I think of my mom and how happy she must be to have the past 6 years to have shared with her dad. Those are years she will always have to cherish. Though she will most assuredly miss him, and in ways I cannot even begin to fathom, she will have those special memories that can never be taken away. And so, as I sit here, I think of my dad and how much I love him. And how grateful I am to be here with him. How glad I am to have the memory of listening to him laugh at some obnoxious thing I say. How wonderful it is to watch old episodes of "Wings" with him on youtube and to hear him laugh again at the show. What a flashback to my youth it is. How fun it is to banter back and forth with him and laugh about how I'm an "upstart" and he's a "pack-rat" :). Will I ever forget how much I laughed -- and made him laugh -- as I commented on his ground oregano that expired July 25, 1977? I don't think so. (And no, that isn't a typo... I did say 1977. It was older than I am). Will I forget how he talked non-stop through the beginning of a movie we were watching only to apologize as he looked over at me and said, "I'm just really glad to have you here." No, I won't. It is those moments that will stay with me forever. I love my daddy. Probably much more than he realizes. Though probably not as much as he loves me, since I understand a parent's love is something that cannot be duplicated. Yes, I am sad I am not in Washington to be with my mom right now. But I am also so grateful to be here with my dad. Because I know, even more poignantly now, that he won't always be here to visit.

So, please, next time you see your dad, give him an extra tight hug.

And you know what? Do that for your mom too. I know I will when I get home. Because I love my mom so much too. I love how laid back she is. I love how I know just how to make her laugh. I love that people ask me, "Isn't it hard to work with your mom?" And how I can honestly reply, "Not at all. In fact, this is the second time we've worked together." I love how she has a great sense of humor and will take flak for her quirky need to color-coordinate her hangars and her clothes! And I love that I'm having this time in my life to learn those quirks :).

The bottom line is this, and it's a quote from a song: "Get to know your parents; you never know when they will be gone for good."

What a beautiful opportunity I have had to really know my parents. To know them, not just as the mom and dad who raised and had to discipline me. But to know them. And to love them.