These Little Wonders

I've admitted before to being more easily prone to pessimism than to optimism. And for whatever reason, the past two weeks have slammed me with reasons to sink deeply into dark moments of doubt, fear, pain, confusion, and yes, even anger. And, sad as it is to admit, I must admit that I've given way to those feelings. And in those moments, it's easy to focus on the negative things. It's easy to see everything that is wrong with life and forget everything that is right. And because I'm tired of trudging in the pit of despair (movie, anyone?), I'm holding myself accountable to looking on the bright side and overcoming those feelings. And so I'm going to focus on what is right, right now. These are my little wonders. And yes, this is a song-title post :).

I have neglected being sufficiently grateful for the timing of my job. And the job itself, for that matter. I like what I'm doing. Sometimes it makes me want to pull my hair out (not advisable) when I get to some of those convoluted files that reference about 4 other files that have to be pulled and examined. But you know what? Little by little, I'm getting through them. And they will be better for it. The location will run more smoothly because of it. And I will have a product to present. I am already seeing the fruits of my labors, and that is a thrilling feeling. The "big boss" (the person who is over the Seattle market for the company) was out here earlier this week. She was taken out to the fileroom, and I hear she was very impressed with it. And it's still a work in progress, so that is wonderful news! But anyway... The timing. You know, I was starting to wonder where the money would come from in order to pay my bills. I mean, I knew my student loan was going to come due. I knew I had to get the credit card paid off before July. And with no job prospects, it was looking bleak. And then my mom's boss asked her if she thought I'd be interested in fixing the file room. He knew I have my MLIS, and he knew I was looking for a job. And do you know, once everything was said and done, I started working right about the time my saved up money (and gifted money from my dad) would be running out. And do you know that, though I don't make heaps of money, I make enough to pay what I need to pay? And that I still have a little left over to do fun stuff? And so, I have what I need. And I know that is a blessing. A little wonder. The other little wonder is that I don't dread the job. I actually love going to work. I love working there. I know it's crazy. But I actually get up and go in at 8:30 every morning, even though I don't have to. I feel like a part of things there. And it's a great feeling. It's fun to joke around with people and to feel like you fit in a place.

I'm healthy. And this is such a huge blessing, especially when I don't have health insurance. Do I take the time to recognize that every day that I don't get deathly ill is a blessing? No, I don't. And so it's time that I did. My body may not be all that I wish it was... But it is healthy. And you know the saying... You can't put a price on your health.

My car runs. And runs, and runs, and runs some more. And isn't it also a blessing that I haven't gotten pulled over for the right back brakelight/blinker that doesn't work anymore? Because I went and priced the part to replace it back in September when I first got here. And it's over $200, because I have to buy the whole light assembly to replace it. And even then, the parts lady said that there's a possibility that there's a short further up the line and that purchasing the assembly might not fix it. She recommended a $90 "diagnosis" thing. So yeah, that's a two-fer. My car has been a work-horse. It has gotten me all over the place all over the country :). Hahaha...

I'm meeting up with my friend Donna tomorrow in Seattle. What a wonderful thing -- to visit a familiar face thousands of miles away from where we met. I know it will be a wonderful day :). Even if it is going to rain all day. Blech! (Though we have had about 4 days of absolutely beautiful -- though cold -- weather!).

I am close to my family. My siblings. My nieces and nephews. My cousins. Of course, in some cases this applies both physically and emotionally. But I was originally meaning emotionally. I have brothers who help me and laugh with me. A sister who always wants to hang out with me and invites me over all the time -- in fact, it's an open invitation. She likes to spend time with me, and I like to spend time with her. And that's a wonderful feeling. I have come to realize over my years in that insane place called adulthood that there are people out there who do not have the closeness with their family that I have with mine. And I have come to realize how truly blessed I am to have it. Not to mention the opportunity I have to be a part of my nieces and nephews' lives. They will know their Aunt Hila. And I will smile and laugh with every Samuel statement: "I can't give myself a spanking, because it will never be a hard spanking." And smile with every time Desiree sings along to "Balley Winter" (as she calls it). Another little wonder.

And so, in moments in the pit of despair, I need to remember what I do have. Yeah, so life has handed me a few lemons. But it's handed me already-squeezed lemonade too. And I love lemonade :). And something tells me that some of those lemons will eventually make very sweet lemonade, if I but squeeze a little harder and longer. And I need to remember that, as Elka says, "Things eventually have a breaking point." Or realize, as Stacy said, that maybe I only feel like things are wrong, wrong, wrong, because something wonderful is just around the corner, and someone doesn't want me to get to that wonderful something, but would rather I give up first. Or say "Amen," along with Megan that I blog-stalk, to my new quote: “Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.” Or just flat out listen to the advice I read last night in Elder Wirthlin's talk from October's General Conference.... "If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness." And, "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss... While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." This was his last talk before his passing. Is that not amazing?

Well, I've droned on and on about this for far longer than I had planned :). And there are so many more little wonders. But, a list has to end somewhere, right :)? So, I'm off to do more research on The Office.

*And Julie, Christina, Stacy, and Kristy have guessed the movie quote correctly!*