8:40 P.M.

I'm sure you can tell by my blog post title that I am lacking in creativity.  It's 8:40 p.m. here in the Pacific Northwest.  And I'm sitting up by myself.  The house is quiet.  Lynnaea is zonked out in her crib.  Jeremy is in bed (not sure if he's asleep yet), because he shifts back to day shift tomorrow -- which means he gets up around 4:50 in the morning.  Gross. 

And I am not a go-to-bed-early gal.  So I stay up. 

And think.

I think I'll post random pictures amidst my musings...  Just because these are some I haven't posted yet.  The one above -- our family in bed -- was before we went to Utah.

Not that I think I have any interesting or worthwhile musings...  Mostly just gobbledy-gook. 

That's me and my Aunt Hila and Lynnaea. 

So one of the things I've been thinking about lately is whether or not the desire to "matter" or "be noticed" is a universal human condition.  Maybe I'm not using the right terms.  But it just seems to me that, in recent years, with technology being what it is, so many people want their voice heard.  On facebook.  Blogger.  And probably other things I'm not even familiar with.  I'm one of those people, obviously. 

I mean, I am the protagonist of my own story, right?  And so I feel some yearning to tell it to the world.  But why should the world care?  And yet, in my innermost self, I want the world to care. 

Lynnaea loves looking at this picture frame of herself.  My baby girl.  Every month of her first year.  How did that happen already?

13 Lynnaeas...  Well, maybe 12 + her hands ;).  I love her.

So many moons ago, when I was a junior in high school, I had a Physiology teacher who was really demanding.  I'd heard the class was hard, so I didn't actually sign up to take the class.  But I wound up in there, because my guidance counselor didn't feel I was challenging myself.  She encouraged me to try it out for a week; then, if I didn't like it, I could drop it.  Well, I didn't want to hassle with the changing of classes, so I stuck it out.  And you know what?  I loved that class.  I learned a lot.  And I really respected the teacher.  At the end of the school year, he wrote in my yearbook that he hoped to see my name in lights some day.  And so, for some reason, I started wanting to make that happen.  And maybe that's part of why I want(ed) to try to publish a book.  Why that dream still lives on inside me.

Just chillin' with her daddy.  She thought it was funny to stick her finger in her mouth and then in his.  He didn't think it was so funny.

But why?  Why am I so interested in the approval or recognition of others?  I don't know.  But I have thought a lot about it lately.  And a lot of me feels like I'm missing the point.  Because, the truth is, I do matter.  I matter to my husband.  And I matter to my sweet girl.  And they are what matters most to me.

Date night yesterday afternoon.  We went and saw Xanadu Jr..  A couple of the Young Women from church were in it.  It was way cheesey, but fun :).

And so, I spend a lot of time reflecting.  Looking inside.  Trying to figure out what I want and who I want to be.  The funny thing is that it's an ever-changing thing, really.  We keep evolving.  Not too many years ago, what I wanted most was to be a wife and mother.  And now I am.  And I think it's good to have goals and to want to succeed in things.  But I also think it's important not to lose sight of what matters most.  Because, to quote Elder Ballard:  What matters most is what lasts longest.  And in the eternal perspective, that isn't having my name in lights so the world can see.

Just a little shot of Xanadu Jr.

In the eternal perspective, it is making sure my daughter knows how special and loved she is.  It's making sure she knows who she is:  a child of God.  And it's helping my husband and growing with him.

And no, it's not bad, like I said, to have other interests and pursuits.  It's just best to make sure my priorities are in order.

Which is why, of course, I must leave you with a picture of food ;).  That was our dinner after the play.  Yum.

(Sorry if this is one of my dis-jointed posts....  Just my random musings and not very well thought-out for writing.  But I felt like writing.  So I did.)