Birthday Girls

So I've been rather lax in keeping this blog up-to-date.  I've blogged...  But sometimes not about current events in my life.  Which is fine.  But then one day, I feel like I should catch up.  Especially if it was something important I've been putting off.

Like a niece's birthday party. 

So Saria turned 13 at the end of April.  She had a little birthday party the following weekend, in May.  And we went.  So here are a couple pictures of the lovely (and now officially teenager) Saria.

And then my sweet baby girl turned 1.  And though we didn't really do a party for her, she did get some presents from people who love her lots and lots:

Puppet board books from Grandma
Pink shorts to grow into and a bucket and shovel from Sue
100 building blocks from Xavier and Morgan
A V-Tech talking cube from Lea and Chuck
A "Lynnaea's First Year Book" from Grandma and Grandpa (including her first quarter -- the tradition begins!)
A stuffed lamb and sun hat from Amalea and Mark
A shape sorter from Mommy and Daddy

And a quilt that will eventually get finished.  I bit the bullet and sent it off to be long-arm quilted.  And thus it is not ready yet.  But it's very close.  Once I get it back, I just add the binding and it's done.  Yay!  I'm bummed I didn't have it done for her birthday.  But I just decided I need to let go and not stress over it.

And oh yeah...  Since she shares her birthday with two of my former co-workers at the funeral home... and since my mom is the one who ordered the cake for their birthday... guess whose name got included on the funeral home's birthday cake?  Yeah, so we had to go by and join them for cake. 

And she also got to eat her first cupcake here at home.  Without frosting.  Because that was the compromise Jeremy and I came to.  He said he didn't think we should kill her on her first birthday by feeding her fat and sugar.  I told him it's a tradition.  Haha...  And so we compromised.  She was thrilled anyway.  It's the sweetest thing she'd ever had.  And she gobbled it up, as you'll soon see.

 These are the funeral home birthday girls.

Her cupcakes.  I made a box cake with home-made frosting.  Simple stuff. 

Opening blocks!  She liked the paper a lot.

But was willing to try to destroy the tower Daddy built.  Because that's what she does best :).

Engrossed by Happy Birthday

So this is what you've been holding back on me with, huh?  The good stuff!

Yes, the very good stuff.  Nom nom nom.

And this is what the bow is for.

This thing gets her more riled up and gabby than anything I've ever seen!

Flying with Xavier!!!

 

Happy Baby-no-longer Birthday Girl!

I love her.

12 Months (also known as 1 Year)

My Sweet, Precious Lynnaea,

It is with tears welling in my eyes that I begin this letter.  You are a year old.  It just doesn't seem possible.

I remember the first time I saw you, when they put you on my tummy in the delivery room.  I remember touching you.  And I remember how you struggled to get the oxygen the doctors wanted you to get.  So they took you from the room and put you in the nursery for a while.  And I couldn't hold you right away, but Daddy stayed with you to make sure you were okay.

I remember finally getting to hold you.  Your little round face as you stretched your neck upward.  How much you looked like your daddy in that moment.  I remember what a tiny little bundle you were.  A tiny bundle with lots of hair.  And you couldn't do much of anything.

And look at you now.  So big.  So strong.  So happy about life.

I've thought a lot over the last year in recent days.  And I've asked myself:  did I take full advantage of each precious once-in-a-lifetime moment with you?  The honest answer is:  probably not.  Unfortunately, it's often hard to realize the need to treasure the moments until they've already slipped by.  But I've tried.

And every night, as I've had the wonderful opportunity to hold you and snuggle you for just a bit while you go to sleep, I have known how fleeting these days really are.  So I've rocked and loved you.  And I've whispered to you just how much I do.  And though I know you won't remember, I hope you'll always know and never doubt that I love you more than I have words to express.

You have changed my world, Lynnaea.  You have changed me.  You have helped me be a better person than I was.

You have taught me so much, sweet girl.  As I sat her pondering that thought, I remembered a talk from General Conference.  And in it, President Boyd K. Packer said this:  "One of the great discoveries of parenthood is that we learn far more about what really matters from our children than we ever did from our parents."  Yes, my precious baby.  You have taught me what matters most.  And though I often forget, though I often get swept up in the day-to-day business of life, you have taught me.  And I remember.  I remember that you are more important than the quilt I want to give you.  I remember that you are more dear than a plastic DVD case.  I remember that your learning is more vital than my getting things done quickly.

So, when it takes twice as long to put away laundry, because I let you help me push the basket to the bedroom -- so you start learning about helping in the small way you can now -- it's okay.  And you know what?  It's one of the best memories for me.  I love to push that basket with you and cheer you on the whole way to the bedroom.  I love to see your little face smiling as you help Mommy push.  And I love to applaud you (and watch you applaud too :)) when we've reached our destination.

Well, this has been such a sappy letter, Lynnaea.  And though you can't see it, I've been crying the whole way through.  It's because I'm so full of love, it just spills over in tears :).  And also because, as I envision these moments we've shared over the last year, I am realizing more and more how precious -- and short-lived -- they really are.

I guess I should mention a little of what you've been up to this month.  Well, you've started walking.  Yesterday you even walked from me to Daddy without falling -- and you even caught your balance!  You still prefer to crawl, because that's still faster for you.  But you can walk, and you're definitely more confident that you can.  You are getting your first molars.  You have a lot of teeth!  A total of 10 now (including your two top molars).  You still laugh a lot and smile a lot.  You are so proud of yourself when you reach stuff on Mommy's side table.  And you're starting to understand bookmarks, sort of.  You like to pull Mommy's bookmark out, and then put it back.  But sometimes you put it back all bunched up :).  You learned to give kisses (well, you keep your mouth open...), but you only were generous with them for one day.  Now you're a little more choosy about how often you're willing to give kisses.

And you're so very sweet Lynnaea.  You love when Daddy comes home from work.  You hear him unlock the door and immediately start crawling to the hallway.  You get the biggest grin on your face when you see him.  And I know that makes your daddy feel like a million bucks.  But you're a Mama's girl for sure.  And I love it.  You're my little mini-me.  My shadow.  For 365 days, you have gone almost everywhere with me.  And though it was a hard adjustment at first, it's now just the way it's supposed to be.

Lynnaea, you are my joy.  You have made motherhood the greatest adventure.  And you are the best gift I've ever, ever been given.  I am grateful beyond words for this past year.  For the downs as well as the ups.  For the fun times, and even for the hard times.  I look forward to the rest of our lives -- and the rest of forever -- with you.  Thank you for letting me be your mommy.

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be
[from "Love you Forever"  by Robert Munsch]

Love Always,

Mommy

My Most Honest Reflection

So a couple days ago, I had a revelation.  Not because it hadn't occurred to me before, mind you.  But because I saw the proof.

Proof that came, not in some huge gesture, but in a tiny small thing that made me realize:  Lynnaea watches everything I do.  She is learning from all I do.  And she will copy me.

And so I must ask myself:  what does she see?

For you see, she is my most honest reflection. 

I happened on Monday.  I was baking French Bread to store for summer (when I plan to avoid baking as much as possible).  The bread freezes well, so in an attempt to get ahead of the game, I'm baking on cool days and storing.  So we can eat good bread all summer long.  But not turn the house into an inferno. 

But I digress.  So I was baking French Bread.  And one of the steps is to do an egg wash.  Which leaves me with leftover egg.  So I decided Lynnaea and I would have scrambled eggs for lunch.  So we did.  I put her in her high chair and started getting out chunks of egg.  But, since they were still warm, I blew on them before putting them on her tray. 

And do you know what she started doing?  Blowing on the food she picked up.  Even if it was a cold piece of bread.

Two thoughts went through my head:  Isn't that so stinkin' cute!?!  and Hmmm.... I wonder what else she has observed me do and will copy...

Will Lynnaea grow up calling other drivers stupid or moron or idiot, because that's what I do?  Will she complain a lot, because that's what I do?  Will she think she needs a snack every time she goes into the kitchen, because that's what I do? 

It was just one of those moments that made me really realize that she is always watching me.  Always learning from me.  And made me ask myself:  what am I teaching her?  And more importantly:  what do I want to teach her? 

Because now is the time for me to pay attention.  To change the bad habits I don't want her to pick up. 

There are times I wish the only thing she'd copy is blowing on food (even if she doesn't know the reason for so doing).  Blowing on food is pretty harmless.  But there will be other things...  I will have opportunities to see myself without a filter.  Because my little girl will be a reflection, largely, of me.  Her mommy.  The person with whom she spends every day.  And she is watching.  And learning.  Even when I don't realize I'm teaching. 

But isn't she just such a cute little bug :)?

On Sundays, she is forced to resort to this for crawling...  Dresses just get in the way!  It cracks me up, though.

So sweet and cute in a pretty foofy dress for Mother's Day.

Such a happy little girl.

Here we are on my first Mother's Day.

Finally wearing some warm weather clothes...  By the way...  She took several steps yesterday.  But she still prefers to crawl.  For now.

Cheese!!

In Defense of the Classroom

I ponder strange things when I'm trying to fall asleep.

It's a little annoying, because I get into bed exhausted and then my mind starts churning.  So, tired as I may be, I'm suddenly wide awake and mentally alert.  Pondering things of no immediate concern.

Like what college life will be like when Lynnaea is ready to go.

What started me thinking about this is that my friend Donna has recently been telling me about some of the goings-on at my former alma mater.  While I cannot claim to know all he ins and outs of what is going on at the school where Spring Break never ends, I am intrigued -- and somewhat bothered -- by what she has told me.

It seems, more and more, the classes are going to online-only.  Or, if you want an in-person class, you have to go to main campus.  Perhaps they are trying to jump up their attendance at the main campus.  I don't know.  But even so...  It bothers me.  Because it's at least 17 years before Lynnaea will be attending school.  What will school look like by then?

Now, before I jump up on my soapbox, let me say this:  I think online classes are great.  I know they meet the needs of a very important demographic (probably several of them, but there is one that comes to my mind immediately):  mothers.  Women who are raising their families, but who want to further their education to improve their own lives.  It is hard being a full-time mom.  As I've mentioned before, it's not a 40-hour per week job.  There are no holidays.  There are no "lunch breaks" or 15 minute breaks required by some government entity (yeah, you try telling your kid, "I get 15 minutes of me-time.  The President says so."  See how that works for you).  It's a blessing, though.  Hard as it may be, it's a blessing.  It is all-consuming, practically.  And it leaves very little time for going to school.  And if you have to commute to school and sit there in the classroom for x number of hours...  Well, that is not as easy for a mother -- especially a mother of more than one (which I am not yet).  Online classes swoop in and help save the day -- and provide a way for many mothers to do what they otherwise may not be able.  And I think that is amazing.

Also, I took online classes even when I was single and childless.  So I can't really knock them anyway.

But here are some things I learned (coming from a slacker of a student, so do keep that in mind).

1.  I got a whole lot less out of my online classes than I did out of my classroom classes.  I took one online class for my undergrad degree.  Never met the teacher.  Don't remember anything about anything I read in that class.  I think it was Modern Poetry.  I can't even remember what class it was for sure.  But I can remember sitting in Dr. Gusick's class making notes about Shakepeare's various plays.  I can remember the nights I spent in classes listening to her and Dr. Belsches.  I can remember the books I read, the papers I wrote, and, sometimes, the discussions we had.  In graduate school, during one of my online classes, I was able to do it from home.  And I actually took a shower in the middle of presentations.  Look, I confessed to being a slacker from the start, so don't judge ;).  The point is...  I got a lot less out of the online class.  By my own choosing, yes.  But the opportunity was there for me to choose it.

2.  I socialized more with people in the classroom.  I took some online classes for my graduate degree.  I worked in groups.  And, unless assigned, I always tried to work with my friend April (if she was in the online class too).  Why?  Because she and I were friends from being in a classroom setting together first.  And, okay, so it's bad, but we would have private chats during the online class (well, I hope they were private).  But the point is, the only reason I really socialized in the graduate school online classes was because I already had a friend I'd met in person.  And yeah... as high school as it may be, April and I wrote notes to each other in our classroom classes.  While we sat next to each other.  It was awesome and hilarious and some of my best memories.  And I made one of my dearest friends through a classroom class.  How said I would be to have never had the opportunity (well, I wouldn't know the difference, but still, it seems sad, knowing what I know!)

3.  You know the teacher and the teacher knows you.  I think there is value in being able to see a person and learn them.  You are able to discern more that way.  They become a person, not just a name.

Maybe there are more, but those are my biggies.

So, I appreciated being able to take online classes, because it allowed me to be a slacker more.  And honestly, I was burnt out by the end of my graduate school stuff.  I'd been working full-time and going to school pretty much full-time for a long time.  I was ready to be done.  I was ready not to be tied to the classroom at a specific time every day (or every other day).  That was one thing that appealed to me about online courses:  I could be at home (if I could access the internet).  But I also know I didn't gain as much as I could have.

Also, sometimes the classes I needed were only offered online.  So I did what I had to do, even if it wasn't my preference.

So, I a not saying online courses should be thrown out altogether.  They have merit.  I definitely think they are a good thing.  And I definitely appreciated them in the past.

But I hope that, when it comes time for my babies to go to college, they have the opportunity to attend a classroom class.  That they have the opportunity to make friends in this way.  And to know their professor.  And to put forth their best -- and not shower during the lecture ;).

And that is all.

And yeah, I know no post is complete without a picture of my munchkin.  Even if nobody else is as anxious about seeing the pictures as my dad ;).  So here she is!

She likes to brush her teeth :).