It is with tears welling in my eyes that I begin this letter. You are a year old. It just doesn't seem possible.
I remember the first time I saw you, when they put you on my tummy in the delivery room. I remember touching you. And I remember how you struggled to get the oxygen the doctors wanted you to get. So they took you from the room and put you in the nursery for a while. And I couldn't hold you right away, but Daddy stayed with you to make sure you were okay.
I remember finally getting to hold you. Your little round face as you stretched your neck upward. How much you looked like your daddy in that moment. I remember what a tiny little bundle you were. A tiny bundle with lots of hair. And you couldn't do much of anything.
And look at you now. So big. So strong. So happy about life.
I've thought a lot over the last year in recent days. And I've asked myself: did I take full advantage of each precious once-in-a-lifetime moment with you? The honest answer is: probably not. Unfortunately, it's often hard to realize the need to treasure the moments until they've already slipped by. But I've tried.
And every night, as I've had the wonderful opportunity to hold you and snuggle you for just a bit while you go to sleep, I have known how fleeting these days really are. So I've rocked and loved you. And I've whispered to you just how much I do. And though I know you won't remember, I hope you'll always know and never doubt that I love you more than I have words to express.
You have changed my world, Lynnaea. You have changed me. You have helped me be a better person than I was.
You have taught me so much, sweet girl. As I sat her pondering that thought, I remembered a talk from General Conference. And in it, President Boyd K. Packer said this: "One of the great discoveries of parenthood is that we learn far more about what really matters from our children than we ever did from our parents." Yes, my precious baby. You have taught me what matters most. And though I often forget, though I often get swept up in the day-to-day business of life, you have taught me. And I remember. I remember that you are more important than the quilt I want to give you. I remember that you are more dear than a plastic DVD case. I remember that your learning is more vital than my getting things done quickly.
So, when it takes twice as long to put away laundry, because I let you help me push the basket to the bedroom -- so you start learning about helping in the small way you can now -- it's okay. And you know what? It's one of the best memories for me. I love to push that basket with you and cheer you on the whole way to the bedroom. I love to see your little face smiling as you help Mommy push. And I love to applaud you (and watch you applaud too :)) when we've reached our destination.
Well, this has been such a sappy letter, Lynnaea. And though you can't see it, I've been crying the whole way through. It's because I'm so full of love, it just spills over in tears :). And also because, as I envision these moments we've shared over the last year, I am realizing more and more how precious -- and short-lived -- they really are.
I guess I should mention a little of what you've been up to this month. Well, you've started walking. Yesterday you even walked from me to Daddy without falling -- and you even caught your balance! You still prefer to crawl, because that's still faster for you. But you can walk, and you're definitely more confident that you can. You are getting your first molars. You have a lot of teeth! A total of 10 now (including your two top molars). You still laugh a lot and smile a lot. You are so proud of yourself when you reach stuff on Mommy's side table. And you're starting to understand bookmarks, sort of. You like to pull Mommy's bookmark out, and then put it back. But sometimes you put it back all bunched up :). You learned to give kisses (well, you keep your mouth open...), but you only were generous with them for one day. Now you're a little more choosy about how often you're willing to give kisses.
And you're so very sweet Lynnaea. You love when Daddy comes home from work. You hear him unlock the door and immediately start crawling to the hallway. You get the biggest grin on your face when you see him. And I know that makes your daddy feel like a million bucks. But you're a Mama's girl for sure. And I love it. You're my little mini-me. My shadow. For 365 days, you have gone almost everywhere with me. And though it was a hard adjustment at first, it's now just the way it's supposed to be.
Lynnaea, you are my joy. You have made motherhood the greatest adventure. And you are the best gift I've ever, ever been given. I am grateful beyond words for this past year. For the downs as well as the ups. For the fun times, and even for the hard times. I look forward to the rest of our lives -- and the rest of forever -- with you. Thank you for letting me be your mommy.
I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be
[from "Love you Forever" by Robert Munsch]
Love Always,
Mommy
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