It's a Bittersweet Symphony -- Take 2

I haven't done a song title post in a while.  And this is one I've done before.  When my life was changing in a huge way.  You can read that here, if you feel so inclined.

The longer I live, the more I realize how true it is...  Life is full of bittersweet moments.  Last week I got to experience a new one. 

You see, my little girl has spent the last two years being rocked to sleep by yours truly.  A bad habit?  Yeah.  Turns out it was.  I thought I was doing a great job, because I would get her almost completely to sleep while rocking her and singing I am a Child of God.  Then I'd lay her in her bed and she'd roll over and go to sleep. 

...And then Corbin came along.  And this night-time routine was taking 30 to 45 minutes.  And then I'd lay her in the bed thinking she was asleep enough.  And she'd immediately open her eyes and start crying "rock rock!"  And so...  We had to sleep train our toddler in the weeks Jeremy was home from work.  That was a fun (sarcastic) and heart-breaking 4 days.  I don't like to listen to my babies cry.  The good news is it only took 4 days and it got less traumatic each day.  I would go in, rock her and sing the song through (all 4 verses) 1 time.  Then put her in bed and tuck her in and kiss her goodnight.  And this became our new routine. 

...Which lasted all of 2 weeks.  Then suddenly, last Sunday, it changed.  She didn't want me to carry her to her room.  She didn't want me to rock her.  She just wanted to climb into her bed on her own  and I could cover her.  She gives me kisses and hugs and tells me she loves me and night-night. 

She doesn't know that I cried for the first two nights after I left her room.

My little girl needs me less and less.  And I know it is good for her to grow up.  It is good for her to be able to go to sleep on her own (frankly, we've had less mid-night waking and no screaming in the middle of the night since she started going to sleep on her own).  But there is still that little piece of my mother heart that is broken.  Because rocking my Lynnaea and singing to her was my favorite part of the day.  It was precious time for just she and I.  And now it is gone.  We still read our stories together before she goes to bed, though, and she still sits on my lap at that time.  And I will cherish that for as long as I can.

Of course, then she also goes and does awesome toddler stuff like stick a little tiny elastic hair "pretty" (the kind I put in her hair) up her nostril so far I have to get a flashlight and tweezers to get it out...  Yeah, that's fun too.  We followed that up with a conversation of why we don't stick stuff up our noses.  I'm hoping she understood...

As for Corbin.  He is growing like a weed.  Seriously.  I had a friend ask me at church today, "He isn't even 3 months yet is he?"  She was commenting about how alert he is for his age.  I replied, "He isn't even two months yet."  He's just a big boy.  He is 6 weeks today.  He is smiling on purpose, and it's adorable.  He is awake more, and I'm trying really hard to create a routine for him.  Jeremy starts swing shift this week, so I'm going to try transitioning him to his little bedside crib in the hopes I can return to my own bed to sleep after more than 6 weeks of sleeping with him the recliner. 

Honestly, part of me doesn't want to give up having him sleep on me.  Each night in the recliner, as I look down at him asleep on my chest, I feel happiness and peace.  But I also feel like a walking zombie every 2 hours when he wakes up or gets restless -- and I think sometimes he is just restless but doesn't need to eat; but since he wakes me up, I automatically assume (in my sleep-deprived state) that he is hungry.  So I fix the bottle.  If he isn't sleeping on me, maybe I won't wake up when he's restless and only if/when he cries from hunger.  Because lately I've had to "wake him up" to eat after the bottle is ready.  So yes, it will be bittersweet for these moments to end too...  But I know more sleep will do me wonders.  I often wake up disoriented at first and trying to remember if we are in the recliner or not.  I don't really like that feeling. 

Anyway... Just a few pictures of recent adventures.  Like Northwest Trek and the Bug Museum.  And 5 of the grandkids all together ;).

Lynnaea feeding her baby brother.  She likes to help.  But she also likes to hold him for about 30 seconds max.  Then she says "all done."  and it's best if you're standing at the ready, because she pretty much wiggles out from under him in a flash...

I do love a side-ways picture.  Thanks blogger!  Anyway, you can see he's keeping his eyes open more.

Sweet kiddos!  They had fun playing that day.

Doing a new toddler activity I thought would be awesome:  making rainbow toast.  Basically you "paint" your bread with colored milk and then broil it.  I thought Lynnaea would love eating it.  she pretty much licked off the nutella and didn't want to eat the toast...  But she had fun with the painting part.

On the tram at Northwest Trek.  She loved seeing the animals.  It was kind of a rough day for the mommy....  But Lynnaea loved it, and I did it for her.

Corbin slept through pretty much all of the Northwest Trek...

And there she is with this lizard thing at the bug museum, which is just down the hill from our house.  Hadn't been before so we checked it out.  She loved talking to the lizards in the tanks.  She wanted to hold them all.  Clearly she is nothing like me...

Corbin, the last dinosaur ;)...  He was thrilled.