[2010 Was Not] A Very Good Year

We are only a few hours away from sending 2010 packing. And I don't think I have ever been so glad to see a year go. For those of you who had a great 2010, I'm truly happy for you. For me, however, 2010 was not a very good year. Which is the opposite of what Frankie is singing here. But I take creative freedoms.

I turned 30 in 2010. It's a milestone. And I'm nowhere where I wanted to be. In any aspect of being. I guess I could be grateful that I am still upright. But beyond that, I am not at all where I thought I would be at 30. And that is hard. Because I'm not even close.

I applied for 11 jobs this year. Both in-state and out-of-state. Both within my field of education and out of it. I got called to interview for one. I got offered none.

The health insurance costs at the library job have started going up. So my paycheck has started going down. And since my hours at the funeral home are now going down too, in the name of the bottom line, that check is shrinking also.

My 16 year old car is starting to really fall apart. And it's not just cosmetic anymore. I spent $500 on snow tires. I spent almost $700 on new brakes. And it's still leaking coolant somewhere, so I drive around with 2 gallons of coolant in my car, because I have to refill it about once a week. Remember a few weeks ago when I wrote that it took me 10 minutes to get into my car because of the hard freeze that wouldn't allow me to even unlock my doors? Well that happened again last night. Only this time, when I managed to get the driver's side door open, something happened with the lock or the latch freezing in place, and it wouldn't shut, but would slam against the hook thingie and open back up. Makes it kind of hard to drive around when your door won't shut. And I lost it. I stood out there in the freezing cold morning with my car running and a door that wouldn't shut, and I bawled my eyes out. Thankfully Lea worked the same shift, so she came and picked me up. And thankfully her husband was off today, so he came over and looked at it. And he fixed it. And bought de-icer and lubricant. Which I had to use again tonight, since the door did the same thing, since it is again way way below freezing. I think I will eventually be climing in and out of the passenger side. It gets more ghetto by the day.

And let's not even get started on the drama that is living near family.

Overall, I did not enjoy 2010. It has been a very hard and trying year for me. And I'm not sure what to do with that.

The year wasn't a total bust, though. There were highlights. Like a new friendship that brought new traditions and people who are so willing to help when I have issues like frozen door locks. Like a trip to the Oregon Coast with my mom. Like a trip to Savannah, Georgia with Julie. Like getting a job with health insurance. Like managing to achieve several of the goals I set for myself this year, including getting out of debt.

So it's not that my 2010 was completely void of good moments. It's just that those good moments are quite overshadowed by the really dark hard moments, of which there were so many.

As I was pondering all this today at the library, I had the thought that perhaps life would be easier if we just used seashells for currency like they do on The Flintstones. And then I laughed to myself as I thought, "Shoot, I'd be having a yabba dabba do time too if I could pay with seashells!" Granted, a lot of issues can't be solved with money. But a lot of them can. And right now, this economy could use some seashell currency.

The truth is, whenever I write a blog post like this, I feel guilty. I know I should be grateful for the things that are "right" and not be so concerned with what, in my opinion, isn't. But the other truth is that these things I have written are as much a part of me and my life right now as anything else I've ever written. And maybe one day, hopefully with the good fortune of perspective, I will be able to read over this blog post and remember how I felt, and maybe -- hopefully -- I will be able to understand why I had to endure a year such as this. So whether I feel guilty for writing it or not, I'm leaving it. Because you get the whole Nilla Life. Crazy and all.