Of Things That Matter

Well, because I tend to put blogging to the side often, I don't keep quite as up-to-date as I used to with things.  But there have been quite a few things going on.  And some of them are of great significance.  Especially to me.

We were expecting a baby earlier in May.  We found out for sure on a Tuesday.  But we lost the baby on Friday of the same week.  We hadn't originally planned to get pregnant again quite so soon.  But we knew it could happen.  And we were excited when it did.  Imagining how things would be.  With two munchkins running around.  But it just wasn't meant to be right now.  And though it was still so new (I was only 5 weeks on the day I miscarried), it was sad to lose the baby.  In fact, I was so emotional that day, I started crying outside of the JoAnn's store because I didn't realize I could use two coupons and ended up spending $5 more than I needed to.  Dumb reason to cry?  Yeah, probably.  But I was emotional.  And I think I wasn't really crying about the $5 anyway.

I'm grateful I took the picture of the pregnancy test.  Because though we won't hold this baby in this life, I know there was a life growing inside of me, even if only for a very short time.  And I'm grateful to have picture evidence.

The truth is, I'd planned to tell everyone about the pregnancy earlier than we did with Lynnaea.  Though I knew there was the possibility of miscarriage (because it happened before), a part of me had decided I wanted to share joyful news, no matter what the end result was.  The reason is because we thought we'd lost Lynnaea, just like we lost the first baby.  It ended up being a broken blood vessel that time.  But even so.  We thought, at 7 weeks, we'd lost her.  And if we had...  Well, no one would have known.  Because we waited until after I was 13 weeks along to tell anyone.  And I guess, for some, they prefer it that way.  And I respect that.  I also understand that.  I've done things both ways now.  But I decided from here on out, I want to celebrate the blessing of life.  Even if it ends up being hard later on.  Because there is always hope, until there isn't.  And even then, I think there's still hope.  Just a different kind.  So, I was planning to share our news sooner than later.  But I hadn't decided how I wanted to do that, and then it was too late.  And so I sat on the news for a bit.  Contemplating if I wanted to share it at this point or not.  And I decided I do.  Because, for a short time, I was going to have another baby.  And that is a blessing.  Babies are blessings and miracles.  And, as one of my new favorite quotes states:  "Each new life, no matter how brief, forever changes the world." 

In other news...  My Lynnaea looks like the picture above when she wants the camera and I don't give it to her.  She does like things her way...  And she looks like the picture below when Mommy makes a less-than-tasty dinner.  Which you can check out here, if you feel so inclined.  I have to give her props for eating the stuff I put on her plate.  She made a face with every bite (and I wasn't forcing her to eat more than one bite, either... she just kept going back for more.  Maybe in the hopes it would get better?).  In the end, I gave her leftover macaroni, chicken, broccoli, cheese skillet.  She really likes that.

And this is how she looks when she's ready for church!  This was today.  Such a happy little bug!  And, by the way, she's pretty much mastered walking.  And she's very excited about it.

She really didn't want to look up at the camera.  She was more interested in playing with her barrettes. 

And as I write this, at 9:45 at night on a Sunday, my husband is over helping a friend finish the roof of the house they are selling.  And need to be out of Tuesday morning.  A friend whose wife (who is a dear friend of mine) is staying with her in-laws along with their two kiddos while he works on completing the house.  Because she is on a bed-rest.  Because she miscarried and then hemorrhaged over the weekend.  And because she texted asking for help.

And why do I include this?  Well, because.  Because I was having a funky mood day.  I was throwing myself a pity party about feeling old and ugly (because I do that sometimes...).  And then I was blessed to help a friend.  To serve them.  To make dinner for her husband so he would eat.  And it gave me an opportunity to get outside of myself.  To stop having a pity party.  To realize there are people with real struggles.  And sometimes that person is me.  But sometimes it isn't.  To remember that we are here to help each other.  It was a blessing to our family that they asked us for help.  It was a blessing to me.  And as I pondered all of this... pondered things that matter...  I remembered another quote I found years ago.  A quote I've saved and I've loved.  We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another. -- Lucretius.  Oh how I realize more and more each day how true this is.  How much we need each other.  How grateful I am for a good husband who drops everything and goes to help a friend in need.  On days like this, he is my hero.

And it made me grateful, too, for our church congregation.  Because a call for help has gone out.  And I am beyond positive tomorrow will find many helping hands at that house, cleaning and finishing the packing, and helping this wonderful family we love so much so that they can meet their deadline.  What a blessing it all is.