Nilla-isms

Well, hello all :). I decided to wait until after my class to post. You never know when there will be some excitement in class. So, I got to meet with the professor and she is so super-nice in person and outside of class. Which makes me feel really bad about how much I dislike her teaching and her class. So, I have a semi-new topic and I have about 4 weeks to get the thing done again. Hopefully I will be more successful this time.

So last night I went to Institute. Irony of ironies (given the extensive descriptions of some of my recent dreams in yesterday's post), we talked about dreams and the Book of Daniel. We covered pretty much all of Daniel (though, because time ran out, we didn't get as in-depth toward the end as we were in the beginning). What is interesting to me is that the prophecies and visions in Daniel span over 3000 years... He saw things pertaining to the fall of the Babylonian Empire 500 years before Christ, but then he also saw things pertaining to the last days. That's pretty awesome, if you ask me. Have I mentioned before that I love Institute :)? I really enjoy how much I learn there.

So, in the interest of the popularity of my new poll of supper versus dinner (and all the commentary that has gone along with it on this blog post), I decided to add some Nilla-isms for you. Of course, some of these are actually -isms from my family as a whole. They are just how things were said. But some of them I did all by myself :).

• Nissan (pronounced as though it rhymes with "Miss Anne") -- okay, so this is always how my family pronounced that type of car. We owned a Nissan Patrol for a few years in Panama. I see nothing wrong with this pronunciation, since, in the English language, the "i" never makes the "ee" sound. And I don't care what the Japanese commercials say... :). If it was "Neesahn," it would be spelled that way ;).
• upstairs/downstairs house -- okay, so not the most educated-sounding description of a two-story house. But isn't it much more illustrative of what the house is? I mean, if you're describing a house with two floors to a child, wouldn't it help the child picture it better if he or she heard the term "upstairs/downstairs"??? Otherwise they might picture two books! (And no, it doesn't matter that the first time I used this term, I was speaking to an adult, Julie) :).
• dish up -- this means to put food on your plate. I have no other explanation. It was always said in my parents' house. It continues to be a part of my vocabulary.
• build a puzzle -- yep, BUILD. I have no problem with this, do you? This was another phrase we used (a lot) in my family. I never knew it was so funny until Julie laughed at me for it. And every time she hears me say it, she corrects me. But isn't it so much easier to say "build a puzzle" than "put together a puzzle"? :)

Okay, honestly, there are probably others. But that's all I've got. But I invite you to remind me of some if you think of any I've said in the past. And I invite you to leave comments with your own -isms. Because, just like with dinner vs. supper, a lot of things are cultural or just simply what we grew up with ;). Oh, but please nobody admit to using "mash" as in "mash a button". That's just wrong on all fronts ;).

Oh, and by the way... "Eet's a rrrrace ... and [we're] weenning!"

Oh yeah, and so I have a burning question.... I can't seem to remember the answer... Do any of you remember the name of the event that is usually held the night before a wedding when the wedding party practices for the upcoming wedding?? It's usually held in the evening and there's usually food there. I just can't seem to remember the name of it!!! Please help me figure it out by leaving me a comment.

It's a Rainy Day

You wouldn't believe how interesting my search was for the song that goes along with this post :). It hails all the way from the 1980s (only the greatest decade EVER) and Sesame Street. So here it is. Turns out this is another song I've been singing the lyrics wrong to for a very long time (I'm going to blame my mom, since she's the one who used to go around singing this song ;)). I would sing "why does it have to rain anyway?" The real words are "why do we need the rain anyway?" So, there you go. They say you learn something new every day. I guess that was my new info for the day. Does that mean I get to go home and crawl back into bed and enjoy this lovely rainy day curled up under the covers? Yeah, only if I don't want to get paid. Okay, I guess I have to stay here. Hmmm... I think I'm going to alter those lyrics even more... "Why do I need a job anyway?" Hahahaha!!! I crack myself up :). The other thing that popped up in my search on youtube was this Sesame Street thing. Now that is interesting. And only slightly annoying. Could the Twiddlebugs enunciate any clearer??? Some of them sound like the Chipmunks or some other cartoon I watched as a kid.

So in class last night we had to go around and demonstrate that we knew how to use various media technology items (such as a digital camera, a cassette player, a scanner). So we got to play with an iPhone. So it's pretty much a cool little thing, but I have to say it's a little frightening (in fact, it's a lot more frightening than it is cool) that, when you press the "maps" icon, it brings up a map that shows you where you are. Can anyone else say "Big Brother?" Yikes. (Oh, and there's wikepedia again...). So I do realize my phone is a tracking device just as much as the iPhone is, but to have it so blatantly staring you in the face is rather disconcerting if you ask me. Anyway, if you haven't read the book, you should. I should read it again, since it's been since 1999 since I read it. Fiction? I think not... (And I'm not a conspiracy person either... But I'm telling you, it's a frightening little read if you live in today's society). Anyway, back to school. So Andrea and I are slightly technologically challenged. We have no problem loading a DVD (thank goodness!) and we can figure out how to play a cassette player with two decks (and this one had A deck ontop of B deck... Weird little boombox). But, we couldn't for the life of us figure out how to turn on the video camera. Genius me, I kept pressing the button with the red dot in the middle. And nothing would happen! So we had to get the professor to show us. How sad is that? It's even sadder when the realization finally comes that probably the red dot was indicative of "record." Good grief! Where have I been for the last 20 or so years? Doesn't the red dot ALWAYS mean record? Green means on! And lucky for us there was a little green thing sticking out of the silver thing that looked like a thumb groove. Unlucky for us is that that didn't really mean much to us until after Dr. Nelson showed us how to turn it on... Yep, genius. Absolute genius :).

And so Elka called me last night. She really cracks me up. And "that's about all I have to say about that", if I may take a moment to quote Forrest Gump.

And you know, even though I've said this many times, I really do have the strangest dreams. A few nights ago I dreamed that I was somewhere with a group of people (seems most of them were my immediate family, including Brad and my mom) and Sandra Bullock was brought to join the group. She was wearing a turquoise shirt and she was acting rather crabby, so I knew she wasn't going to be willing to take a picture with me... Also in that dream we were at the Bocarron (a river we used to frequent in Panama -- sucky Judge Reinhold --Tarylyn, that's for Brad, so mention it to him ;)) and we were making our way down the river. At one point I think my dad and I were just floating along and I suddenly saw we were about to hit some rocks, so I told my dad to stop. Well, next thing I know we're in some weird like sitting room (complete with chairs) that was reminiscent of a men's "smoking room" or whatever, right in the middle of the river! During Spring Break, I dreamed about 2 tornadoes. I was in charge of all these little kids, and when the first tornado came, we were at this like retreat or something. I had been told (I don't know by whom) that the tornado would not destroy this particular table, so I needed to get all the children under that table. Then the second tornado that hit was in a big city. Again I was in charge of all these little kids, and then Ben (my older brother) was there and he was helping me get the kids into this big empty room. But then I remembered that it is best to put as many walls between you and the outside as possible, so I told Ben, "No, we need to get them all in that closet over there." There was a big empty closet in the room. Anyway, I remember in that dream the tornado was literally right outside of the window. It had touched down on the ac unit outside and there were lightning sparks going between the ac unit and the tornado. It was weird. (It was even weirder that I dreamed this on Friday night, March 14, and then woke up the next morning and went in to say good morning to Meemaw and she was watching the news and the story was about the tornado that had gone through downtown Atlanta). Over Spring Break I also dreamed I was trying to get a passport at the post office. It was costing me some exhorbitant amount of money, and it was only going to be good for 3 days to 1 week. And I remember thinking in the dream, "That's fine. I just need the passport long enough to get me to Panama and I can go apply for my citizenship there." Anyway, I know I've had several more weirdo dreams. I know I had one last night, but I can't remember it at this moment. I dream a lot; I always have. I think my subconscious is rather strange :). And now you have a peek into the Nilla psyche. Scary, huh :)?

My Weekend

So Stefanie treated me to lunch on Friday at the Crimson Cafe. I'd never been there before. It was good. I got a Club Grinder, which is basically just a toasted sub sandwich. They put oil on the sandwich (and I mean it was dripping with oil), so that was annoying. And they didn't give me or Stefanie our pickle spears. A true tragedy. So I'll never know if their pickles were of the "not a good pickle" variety :). Haha... Okay, so it really wasn't that tragic. I just thought I'd mention it. But aside from the oil that was dripping off my sandwich, the taste was good and Stefanie and I had a good time visiting. Although I looked really rough. I'll tell you what... I don't understand how you can take pictures that look decent one day and then the next day you can look really really bad. Or even later on the same day that you took the decent picture, you can look bad in a picture. Of course, I've also had it happen where I've taken an ugly picture earlier in the day and then later on I like the way I look in the pictures I take later... What did we ever do without digital cameras that allow you to preview the pictures??? Not to mention the ease of being able to show pictures immediately to everyone else. So anyway, I look pretty bad in these pictures. The badness is ony magnified because Stefanie always looks sweet and cute. And so I look like an ogre. Stefanie, I'm never taking a picture with you again! (Okay, I'm kidding :)).And yeah, I said I was going to use photobucket if I had more than one picture to post. But that's kind of ridiculoous for this type of thing... Maybe when I'm posting a mass picture post where all the pictures are from the same thing...

Friday was payday, so I went to Wal-Mart. It really wasn't too bad. Sometimes Wal-Mart is a nightmare place to be... Especially on Fridays. Then I filled up my tank with gas (at $3.15... and I was proud to get that... What is wrong with the gas prices!!??!!). Then I got home, took a shower, and then went to Virginia's to pick her up, and we went to the Temple. I didn't get home until 11:20ish.

I had to come to school on Saturday to meet with my group for the Wednesday morning class. We met at 10:30. So, I got to sleep in. And sleep in is exactly what I did. I woke up around 9:30. The group meeting went well, and we seem to be well on our way to getting stuff accomplished. We only have about 4 more weeks of class, and I am so ready to be done! It seems that the closer to the end I get, the more I'm itchin' to be finished!!! I spent the rest of Saturday going to the public library and working on school stuff (which included reading more of the book, but I didn't get as far as I'd hoped I would). We had quite a good rain on Saturday evening, which was nice, since it washed away all the pollen on my car. Of course, that will just come back... I also talked to my mom for a long time, as well as Aunt Sue.

On Sunday I went to church, then Jill (my visiting teacher) came over after church. Then David and Ethan (my home teacher and his son) came by. Then I helped Stefanie deliver dinner to the missionaries. Then I made cupcakes for a YSA fireside (and luckily Stefanie was willing to make the frosting and frost them so I could get a shower). The fireside was good. It was about enduring to the end. Yep, sometimes that is the hardest part. After we got home, I talked to Christina briefly, talked to my dad for an hour, and talked to Brad for quite a while (some of it was in the afternoon, though).

So, here's a couple of funnies for you... Brad apparently bought the movie Follow that Bird from the $5 bin in Wal-Mart for his kids. It's about the Sesame Street characters. So he called and told me on Saturday about the very beginning of the movie where the Grouch Anthem is played. He told me to look it up on youtube. So I did. And so here it is for your enjoyment (because it really is funny):


My brother cracks me up!!! Brad tells me that the song has stuff about me. What!? So he clarifies for me... Apparently, because according to Brad, I'm so conceited, the part where Oscar says "something's wrong with everything except the way I sing," is like me because "Oscar thinks a lot of himself too." Okay, so Brad lost some coolness points with that one... Good thing I have to love him, since he's my brother ;).

And finally... This one is for Kristin... Although wikipedia (and, let's face it, are they not the authority on everything ;) -- spoken like a person who would give a librarian a heart-attack) explains quite clearly and concisely that dinner is "the main meal of the day, normally eaten in the evening, but occasionally at lunchtime," Kristin felt the need to prover her point by sending me this:
But I want you to notice, Kristin, that it's only occasionally a lunchtime meal. And the real irony is that it's still called lunchtime :). Not dinnertime :). Dinnertime is usually in the evening :).

I do believe I have some of the greatest people ever in my life!!!

On Looking Older

So it occurs to me that I have witnessed a paradox in my lifetime, which at 27 sometimes seems long and sometimes doesn't. Please allow me to illustrate with a story or two:

The Nose-Ring Guy
As a teenager, about 15 years old, I hung out at Los Rios swimming pool a lot. I was an avid swimmer, but also an avid flirter with the lifeguards. (Look, I told you there was a time in my life when I was totally boy crazy). So one Saturday I'd gone to the pool, and by that time I had made friends with all the lifeguards. Hey, there was merit in this... I mainly spoke to them in Spanish, so we can call it educational since I was improving my Spanish skills :). So anyway, I was hanging out in the office there at the swimming pool, chatting away. Now, the way the pool was set up, there was a window at the front of the office through which people coming to swim had to show either their B-badge (this was a green card with our photo on it that said we could swim -- I still have mine) if we were not an adult; or, if you were an adult, you had to show either a military ID or a Panama Canal Commission ID. This was proof that you were allowed to swim there (because the pool was owned by the U.S. Government). Anyway, the PCC pools were free, but the pools on the military bases cost like a buck or two to get in. I don't know why, but whatever. Okay, so I was in the office and this guy comes up to the window to show his ID. The first thing I notice is that this guy has this huge honkin' HOOP nose ring in his nose. I do believe it was the first time I'd ever seen such a thing. I mean, a hoop??? Anyway, so he shows his ID (so I can tell he's a young Army guy) and I buzz him into the men's room (yes, even at 15 I just kind of went to work wherever I was hanging out). So this guy comes out, says hello to all the lifeguards there around the office and goes on and swims. I don't know how much time later it is, but eventually he is ready to leave. So, at this point I'm sitting in the office, still talking away (I do talk a lot) and nose-ring guy stops and starts talking to all my lifeguard friends. He's talking in English, which they all speak that as well as Spanish. He's asking how he could go about getting a part-time job there as a lifeguard and they are telling him (which even at the age of 15, that seemed like a dorky question for him to be asking... I mean, he's a GI for goodness sake). Anyway, they ask him his name, so he says, "David" (only he says it in Spanish). He shakes all their hands and then pokes his head in the office, looks right at me, and says, "Hi, I'm David." And I smile politely and say, "Hi, I'm Hila and I don't work here." So he goes back into the men's room and I go back to visiting. A little while later, he comes out of the men's room through the other door, getting ready to leave (so now he's on the other side of the window where he had to show his ID at first). Well, my friend Rafael was talking to someone through the window at that time. So, David the nose-ring guy just kind of hangs out in the front there for a few minutes, and I'm just standing against the counter. Well, the guy Rafael was talking to leaves, and Rafael goes back to the back door to take up his post again. And David the nose-ring guy walks up to the counter. So I'm wondering what he wants, and since I'm the closest one there to the window, I say, "Can I help you with anything?" (Yeah, because I totally work there...). Okay, maybe I'm an idiot, but I have to say I was completely unprepared for what came out of his mouth. He says to me, "Hey, yeah. I was just wondering if you would like to do something sometime?" Oh my heck! The nose-ring guy just asked me out! I wonder what my expression looked like. Anyway, I am baffled and I am practically tripping over my words as I say, "I'm sorry, I can't. I'm only 15." Okay, so now it's his turn to be shocked. He says, "Oh, I'm so sorry. You looked older." And I said, "Oh, that's okay." So he leaves, and inside, I'm smiling. Not because David the nose-ring guy asked me out. But because I looked older. Woohoo! I looked like a mature woman. (Man, I was an idiot). Okay, so there's that one.

Underage ID Check
So, on another occasion, my mom and I were riding in the van, and I was in the front passenger seat. We were headed onto Albrook AFB to check the APO box. My mom always had her ID at the ready, because she knew it would be checked. The rule was, you check the IDs of all the adults in the car, even though we had a sticker on the car that gave us permission to go on base. Well, so my mom shows hers, and the guy looks over at me. I think he's just going to wave us through. But he does not. He is waiting expectantly to see mine as well. So, I lean forward to get the ID out of my back pocket, and I'm thinking maybe I had a look of annoyance on my face (which wouldn't surpise me), either that or he realizes that I was not expecting to be carded. So he asks, "Do they not usually ask you for it?" And my mom says, "Well, she's 16." So, he looked shocked and said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were 18." Which constitutes adult, and therefore I needed to be carded. Anyway, so I smiled again to myself at the thought of looking older. Yeesh.

So, why is it that when that kind of thing happens to us when we are trying to be grown up (and first of all, why are we trying to do that??? Don't we know anything!?) we are proud and excited about the prospect? And then when it happens to us later in life, when we actually are older, it's not so funny. Perhaps you will recall the story I told you about when I was mistaken for a grandmother when I was all of 25 years old... (if you click the link, just read down to the second paragraph or so). So yeah, a mere 10 years later, and it's not so fun to be mistaken as being older. I can assure you I was not smiling inwardly about being mistaken for Desiree's grandmother. I was actually quite horrified. It's almost like I'm okay with being mistaken for older when older is between ages 18 and 20. But now that I'm well over 20, either assume I'm still 18 or 20, or just pretend I look 27, since I am. It is no longer complimentary to say I look older than I am :). Because that puts me somewhere near 30. (Because I'm already close enough to it). Although I will say that I love Anne for telling me I look like I'm 21!! Yay for Anne! Perhaps she was just saying that. But I'm going to go ahead and believe it :). Why not? I was willing to believe I looked 18 ten years ago :). I also love that my dad looked at that picture of me and Julie at Kristin's from 10 years ago and he asked me (this was just last week) if Julie had had her baby! At first I thought maybe he had heard something I hadn't... like that Julie had gone into premature labor. But as I asked him more questions, I finally realized he was thinking that the the baby in the picture was Julie's baby and not Kristin's! Haha... Which made me feel great, since he obviously thought that was a recent picture of me. I even asked him if he didn't notice how young I looked in that picture (and how old I look now :)).

So anyway, experience has also taught me that desiring to look older (and desiring to be older) was not unique to me in my teenage years. It's also something you can't convince a teenager (or pre-teen, as the case may be) that it is silly to want those things. They won't believe you. I know, because I've tried. And I know, because my dad tried to convince me when I was young. He told me that I have the rest of my life to be a grown-up, so to just enjoy my childhood and not want to rush through it to get to adulthood. Isn't it a shame that we don't figure that out until we are actually in adulthood and it's too late ;)? I think this is evidence that youth really is wasted on the young! :). Eh, but what can you do? So let me just take my grandma-looking self and go do some work :).

Also, look down to right above my playlist... I found a thing that tells me what my name means :). Pretty cool. And, what says you? Is it accurate?

The Nilla List

Well, really quickly I'll give you the highlights of my evening. I got off work at 3:30, stopped by Publix to buy the rest of the ingredients for the cheeseball I signed up to make for the student appreciation party (Here's a story for you: I couldn't remember what I'd signed up for, since it was the week before Spring Break when we signed up... I thought I remembered it being something salty (and usually I just write "something salty" on the sheet so that I can make my decision to either buy or make something closer to time), so I wasn't feeling particularly inclined to make anything, so I figured I'd buy some chips. So, I went to Wal-Mart on Tuesday and bought a big bag of Doritos. And then the list was posted yesterday and I saw that I hadn't gone the smart route and written "something salty" but rather had actually volunteered for a cheeseball and crackers. Dang it. So, I had to go buy crackers and beef). So anyway, yeah, bought those ingredients. At least I signed up for something easy. Then I headed home and washed some clothes and forced myself to be a good student. I have really procrastinated stuff, and with the fact that I now have to re-do that whole literature review, I don't think I can do that anymore. So, I knocked the assignments for 523 out of there (I have to present tonight) and spent the rest of the evening reading for 523. I have to write up 3 booktalks by next week and actually need to do a total of 5 of them. I'm still in the middle of reading book 4: The Presence by John Saul. But I was successful in getting almost to the halfway point last night. Which means I read around 100 pages yesterday. Now if I could only keep that pace...

Okay, so the Nilla list. I had actually been thinking of making my list for some time now. And I always intended to blog it, but I had yet to get around to it. Then Julie found an old list she had made about 10 years ago, and she sent it to me, since she said I would appreciate it. And I did :). I'm wishing I had made a list like that 10 years ago so I could see the things I wanted to accomplish and see how many I could check off my list. Well, but I didn't. So I'm making one now. So, it's a work in progress. And most of it right now is places I want to see or go. But there are a couple of accomplishments on there I'd like to do.

• Get married to "the right person in the right place at the right time"
  
• Be a mom
  
• Transit the Panama Canal on boat
• Ride in a gondola in Venice
• Go to the top of the Empire State Building
• See the Statue of Liberty
• Visit all 50 States (this means I have to actually visit something or someone there... Not just pass through, like in an airport)
  
• See/go up in the Eiffel Tower
• Be debt-free (although a mortgage could be acceptable debt)
• Graduate from college with a master's degree
• Own my own house (either by myself or with my spouse... both count :) -- but no more apartment living!)
• See the great pyramids of Egypt (and go inside)
  
• Take a cruise
• Learn ballroom dancing
• Ride in a limo (don't laugh! I've seriously always wanted to do this!)
• Eat in a fancy restaurant that has all those forks and where you are supposed to wear a nice evening gown (yes, another materialistic silly thing, but I've really always wanted to do it just once!)
• Learn sign language (I decided I wanted to learn about 10 years ago when I met Julie. Obviously I have wasted 10 years... I have picked up a few signs here and there. Maybe I will get motivated enough to learn it, because that would be neat)
• Write a novel (and hopefully get it published!)
  

So I realize that a lot of that list is just stuff I want to see; places I want to go. But I've always had desires to travel. So, they go on the list. Although I never made a list before of the things I want to do or accomplish in my life, I do remember things I've wanted to do and have done (which is why they are not on the above list). So, I will list some of them for you here:

• Go to NYC
• See Washington, D.C.
• Ride the NYC subway
• Graduate from college with a bachelor's degree
• Live on my own (okay, so this one is not all it's cracked up to be... Or at least not at this stage in my life. But it is something I know I had always wanted to experience, so now I can say I have).

Well, I sincerely hope there were others that I hoped to accomplish and did. Otherwise that's kind of sad. That's why it's good to have a list.

And, since I am making lists (have I mentioned that I love lists :)?), I will make a list of which of the states I have visited so far. (Does it make me a dork that I am enjoying my list-making??).

• Alabama (I've been living here for 10 years and visited here every 2 years since 1985 before that)
• Georgia (again, various times)
• Florida (various times)
• North Carolina (Brad and Tarylyn and Saria -- April 2003)
• Louisiana (April 2000)
• New Jersey (December 2007)
• Pennsylvania (December 2007)
• New York (December 2007)
• Washington, D.C. (okay, so it's not a state, but whatever -- December 2007)
• Washington (various times)
• Utah (August 1999)
• Colorado (July 1995)
• Texas (a couple of times -- 1987ish and 1990ish)

Okay, well, I guess I'm about all out of lists. For the moment. But, now you know things the Nilla wants to do one day. Hopefully I get to check some stuff off my list soon :).

*Oh yeah, and Kristy guessed the movie quote correctly!*

Funny Story... Not so Funny Story

Okay, so I just got back from class. Funny story: we did end up getting assigned grades for those symbols. So the book translates to a 97. And the clock (which, if you remember, meant little to no understanding) was an 89. Which is a very high B by the way. The not so funny story? Well, I totally failed the literature review. In fact, I got zero points. I guess that's what I get for using an old paper to fulfill a different kind of assignment. Yikes. Thankfully she's going to let me revise it and re-submit it. I don't really know where I'll find the time. However, I guess I will have to. And I think there really is something to the saying of "It's better to do it right than do it again." Ugh. So, I think I'm out of her good graces once again. However, I don't think I'm the only one who got zero points (although this is still a personal low for me). And of the people who got points, several did not get many points. So yikes.

Other than that, there was no excitement. I'm rather bummed about having to do that project again, but I need the points. At least some of the points.

Oh yeah, so we have a candle at the apartment that is supposed to smell like papaya. So I picked it up and smelled it. I'll just say that whoever made it has never smelled a real papaya. Because the candle smelled pretty good. And (Julie, don't read this) real papaya smells like vomit when you cut it open. Ick.

Okay, so I know this is very brief. But I really don't have much to report. And in the interest of getting some work done, I think I'd better just leave this one short, sweet, and simple. With the promise of having a more interesting post tomorrow :).

Getting Personal

So, generally I don't post particularly personal things. Mostly because, well, just because. I mean, who wants to read about someone else's trials? But the truth is I've been struggling with something lately, and it's been particularly hard the last two days. I mean, it comes and goes, this feeling. It's always in the back of my mind. But sometimes I'm better at overcoming it. So, let me preface this by saying I'm really not a vain person. I don't spend hours staring at myself in the mirror, etc.

So, what's my issue? Well, my hair is getting thinner and thinner by the day. This is very depressing to me. I have made mention of my hair issues before (including yesterday), but I usually just breeze over it as though it's a non-issue. And that is so not true. This is a major issue for me. Every time I see pictures of me when I was younger (like early 20s), I get slightly depressed about how much hair I've lost. I'm not even sure exactly when I started losing the hair, but I know I was losing copious amounts of it even when I was married. I just didn't realize at the time how unnatural that was (I was seriously losing a lot of hair -- there were clumps of it that would gather in various places on the floor in the apartment, and when we used the rug raker thing we bought, you should have seen the hair that came off the carpet, plus I clogged the drain regularly, even in spite of trying to "catch" the hair that was falling out while I was washing it and not let it go down the drain (obviously lots was still going down the drain), and my hair brush would still be full of hair). But I had so much hair that it really wasn't noticeable. It only has started to be really noticeable in the last year or so. For your benefit, I have included two pictures. They are not a really great comparison, since I wasn't trying to compare my hair when they were taken... But, I think you'll see what I mean...Literally, I can't get my hair to grow longer than what it was in December/January, and it's very stringy looking when I do finally get it to be as long as it was. I know the other picture (of me tied up) doesn't really give a good example of it, but I had long, shiny, full, thick hair. And I realize how whiny I sound, I do. This is just very hard for me. My hair was something I liked about me. People complimented it. I loved my long hair, and I loved that it was so wavy and full without any effort made by me. Although having a new hair style has been fun at times, the reason for getting it was that I needed something to make my hair look fuller and thicker. I had hopes that maybe my hair just needed a break, and that by cutting off the excess unhealthy hair, my hair would become revitalized. And so, as my hair continues to fall out, I see that is not going to happen, and my hopes are crushed. I started taking vitamins in hopes that my hair would improve. No luck there either. I don't want my hair to just look fuller and thicker. I want it to be fuller and thicker. And my fear is that it will never happen; that I will continue to lose my hair until I am bald, or at least a lot balder.

Okay, so I totally know that, if this is the worst of my troubles, then I should be very grateful. I know that there are people who have much worse problems than losing their hair, and there are people who probably wish that hair loss was their trial. And so, knowing that, I feel like a silly baby that I am so affected by this. And I know that, in the long run, in the eternal scheme of things, this is very insignificant. But even so, it is very hard for me; it makes me feel ugly. The bottom line is that I need to find out what is causing this hair loss. Is it hormonal? Does it involve my thyroid? Does it involve my diet? Or perhaps it's just stress (although I can't see that I've had that much stress in the past 4 years)? And so I will be making a doctor's appointment. But there are so many fears. What if I find out that it is caused by something for which there is no way to stop it? Yes, I know they make wonderful wigs these days, but I really want my own full head of hair back. Sigh. And yes, probably I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. On an up-note, I am very thankful for friends and for home teachers and for blessings of comfort. Please forgive me for this pity party. I just find that writing is therapeutic for me, as is talking. And so this is a way of doing both (since someone out there is reading it). And this is literally what has consumed my thoughts the past couple of days (thanks to a glimpse in the mirror of my very thinning hairline). So, now you know this part of the Nilla life :(. And I'm sorry if I seem selfish now.

And let me leave this on a positive note: there are now 2 positions open up in Washington for which I wish to apply. They are the same position, but in different library clusters. I guess they cluster their libraries up there, so it's kind of like a pyramid. But anyway, the pay is the same, it's in the same area. Of course, the requirements are also the same, so there's still a good chance I won't get the position. But I'm going to apply anyway :P. Also, there is another job that doesn't pay as well, but for which I am over-qualified, that is still full-time and in the same area. So, I could apply for that and see where that goes. Of course, since that job doesn't even require the MLIS degree, there's a good chance they will fill that position quickly and with someone local. But, so that's my latest on the job-search. It's looking like there are some good options!