These Past 9 Months...

I'm still here and still pregnant.  But I do not say that in a complaining way.  I am excited and nervous for what is coming -- and part of me wonders if I'll know it's happening.  (Well, I know eventually it becomes hard to miss -- hahaha -- but will I know initially that this is it?!?).  It seems surreal that things could start, literally, any day now.  But I'm not in a rush.  There have been ups and downs, for sure.  There have been surprises and oh, now I understand why so-and-so felt like this when she was pregnant moments.  But I have spent many years hoping for this opportunity and experience.  I have always thought that being pregnant would be a cool experience and I always wanted to experience it -- the movement of my baby inside of me.  I won't say I've always wanted the experience of giving birth.  However, it seems that comes part and parcel with everything else ;).  So I'll take it.  Anyway, I spent a lot of years wondering if this would ever be a reality for me.  I have some hormone issues that -- for some women -- mean infertility, a larger possibility of miscarriages, and/or very difficult times getting pregnant with or without fertility drugs.  I worried I would fall into that category, and I had no way of knowing if I would or not until I had a husband and we were ready to start a family.  And there were many days I didn't know if that would happen for me either.  And so this pregnancy (and our first pregnancy as well) has been a blessing in so many ways.  I have been able to enjoy everything about it (even the sausage toes on swollen cankled feet from the other day ;) -- I laugh about it now, and was even laughing about it then).  I have tried to document some things in my journal, here on my blog, and a little in the baby book.  But I don't know if I have documented well enough.  And so I want to take this post to blog about the experiences of this pregnancy.  Like I said before, nothing too personal.  But just some of the weird/odd things I've encountered :).

1.  Extreme exhaustion.  This was mostly at the beginning of the pregnancy.  Both pregnancies, to be exact.  I could not believe how utterly tired I was for the first couple months!  There have been times in my life when I have struggled to fall asleep.  (Some of those times have been more recently in this pregnancy).  Not for those first couple months.  My goodness, my head would hit the pillow and I was out for the night.  I've always envied people with that ability, and during the first little bit of pregnancy, apparently I get to be like them ;).  Of course, with that kind of exhaustion, it's hard to feel especially motivated to do things.  And I had a lot to do during the month of September.  I was still working, and then it was the end of the growing season.  And though I hadn't done a lot of gardening, I did have some peppers to turn into pepper jelly (for Christmas presents :)); and then I canned peaches and a few jams with my mother-in-law; and then someone from the funeral home gave us I don't know how many plums -- which I turned into plum jam; and the same person gave us a bunch of green beans, which I ended up par-boiling and freezing (and will be using the last of them in tonight's dinner :)).  During this time, I was so grateful for Jeremy's resourcefulness and ability with the canning process.  He totally took over with the plum jam and did it in about half the time it would have taken me.  And I let him.  Sometimes he's like a machine -- he gets his process down and he goes for it.  Anyway, I was so tired that I got frustrated with lots of things, and so him taking over was a wonderful thing.

2.  Moodiness.  I have experienced this off and on throughout my pregnancy.  I feel like, when it's really bad, I swing daily.  You've probably read some of the posts that indicated such.  In early pregnancy, I felt lonely and sad for my Alabama peeps.  Actually, I felt that way again later in pregnancy too.  I felt really nostalgic a lot.  Weepy.  Like I wanted to run away and go back in time.  Not because life was awful here and now.  It was just some weird emotional thing.  Well, okay, so in the more recent times, things have been a bit rougher lately.  I felt overwhelmed with church stuff.  But I was released as Primary President Sunday, so that load is now off my shoulders.  I will focus on the baby and not have to worry about Primary stuff.  I knew it was going to happen for a week -- and I will say that last week was actually really relaxing in that sense.  Anyway, I digress.  Moodiness...  Yeah, I cried easier, got frustrated and mad easier, got my feelings hurt easier.  Felt like an idiot easier when my pregnancy brain (ie forgetfulness) kicked in.  (Remember the story of me leaving my keys dangling in the outside doorknob of our other house, which is on a very busy street in a sketch part of town -- for 2 hours???  I was so frustrated with myself and kept asking Jeremy how I could be so dumb!  I think I melted down and said "I don't know what's happening to me!"  Eh, it was probably pregnancy brain.) 

3.  Clearer skin!  This is an awesome one.  Along with the hormone issues I have, I get the joys of acne (unless I take birth control pills, which aren't exactly conducive to pregnancy...).  Interestingly enough, the same thing in the pills must be a hormone (naturally occurring, of course) of pregnancy.  Because I have had much clearer skin since becoming pregnant.  I've actually forgotten what it's like to have acne a lot.  How nice :).  What a perk!

4.  The Belly Button Experience.  No, I do not have an outie.  I think my belly button was far too cavernous to ever become an outie.  But I definitely have a shallower innie.  The one downfall of me never having an outie is that Jeremy believes this is a myth of pregnancy -- even though I've shown him pictures!  Okay, probably not really.  But he likes to say it isn't true and I can't prove it, because those pictures could have been photo-shopped, haha...  It's just a funny game we play.  The skin that usually never sees the light of day (as it is hidden in my belly button under normal circumstances) is probably what would be considered "smooth and soft as a baby's butt."  Hahaha...  So it feels weird in comparison to all the surrounding roughened by life skin (even though that skin doesn't technically see the light of day, either, since I keep things well hidden ;)).

5.  The Meandering Mole.  This is tied to #4 -- the Belly Button Experience.  The little mole that was always right above my belly button is now 2 to 3 inches above it!  I think that's funny.  Thank you, skin, for stretching so much ;).

6.  The Mask.  No, not the movie starring Jim Carrey.  This is all about the dark splotches that have started to show up on my face.  Especially after exposure to the sunshine.  I wonder what I would look like if I was experiencing this in Alabama where the sun shines a lot more prominently?!?  I started noticing the splotches on my forehead about a month and a half ago.  They have definitely become more prevalent, and are most noticeable after I've been outside on a sunny day.  Looks sort of like I have a tan -- but a splotchy one.  I've read about the pregnancy mask, so I'm pretty sure that is all this is.  At least I hope so ;).  Although, Jeremy says he thinks it's cute and makes me look more Southern to him.  So he calls me his Southern beauty. 

7.  Tiredness.  A different kind from the extreme exhaustion I mentioned above.  This one has come about mostly in the third trimester.  I just can't believe how much things will wear me out!  And I sleep a lot.  Part of me feels bad about that and totally lazy.  But the other part keeps telling myself that I am going to get a loss less sleep (just how much less is currently beyond my comprehension, based on everything I keep hearing from recent moms), and I should just allow myself to enjoy the opportunity.  So I do.  I wake up with Jeremy sometimes (other times I just stay in bed until he's almost out the door), eat first breakfast (haha... often yogurt, bananas and grape nuts for some crunch), see him off to work...  And then get back in bed.  And I get the best sleep for about 2 hours.  I fall asleep fast and I sleep hard.  It's crazy.  And this is after already logging about 8 hours of sleep (usually).  What can I say?

8.  Swollen Feet.  I commented on these a couple posts back.  I discovered the heat really was the catalyst for these lovelies, because they really haven't been back.  I'm sure me being on my feet a lot those days -- and cutting off my circulation to my feet pretty significantly at one point didn't help.  But I think the heat was the main culprit.  I laugh about it -- about how ugly they looked.  But they were really sore and tender.  I'm not one who likes foot massages and such -- I think feet are pretty gross and I don't want people touching mine.  I mean, they're feet.  But that night of swollen feet, Jeremy pulled my feet on his lap, made some exclamation at how swollen they felt, and then sat and massaged them for an hour.  And it really helped the swelling go down.  It was so sweet.  But yeah, even he was shocked by the way they felt.

9.  The Stretch (Marks and Otherwise).  Yes, the stretch marks.  Turns out I have a ton of them.  I'm not overly stressed about this.  It just is what it is.  It will look weirder when my belly is trying to shrink back down and isn't pulled taut all filled with a baby.  But we'll cross that bridge when we get there.  The other thing is less of a stretch and more of a pull.  Holy cow.  I have pulled muscles I don't think I'd ever really used before.  There is one that I consistently pull on my lower right side, right under my belly.  This usually happens when I commit the "no-no" of lying on my back for a little while at night.  I don't know why I always convince myself a few minutes in that position will not be bad.  Because I always regret it when I roll over to my left side and pull that darn muscle.  It hurts.

11.  Feeling Hippy.  Not to be confused with "hippie."  :).  So they say you're supposed to sleep on your sides -- preferably the left one.  The back is not a good option, as apparently it allows less oxygen to Baby.  Also, I think the weight of everything pressing down on all my internal organs probably isn't preferable.  But that's just my own thinking, based on the experience above of pulled muscles.  And truthfully, my sides are generally the most comfy sleeping position anyway.  So I comply.  But hours and hours and hours on one side will start to take a toll.  I wake up often with my hip hurting (whichever side I'm on).  It's different to feel all these body parts ache.  Haha.

10.  The Limited Bladder.  Ah yes.  Before pregnancy, I totally couldn't imagine what this was like.  It's a really strange phenomenon.  You spend your life knowing your bladder can hold a pretty good bit.  You know your body after 32 years.  And then something changes in a massive way.  Very massive.  You start growing another human inside you.  And eventually that human starts being big enough to really apply the pressure to the bladder.  When I'm awake, I probably make 20 trips to the bathroom every day.  And if that is an exaggeration, it's a slight one.  Because seriously, I go all the time.  I tell myself "you don't really have to go."  And sometimes I try to hold it.  That lasts about 5 minutes, and then I really feel like I'm pushing limits.  So I go.  And I was right.  I didn't really have to go -- but my body thought I did.  I get a little trickle.  And based on the prior 31 years, I am pretty confident when I say that that should have been able to stay in there unnoticed for about 2 more hours...   Haha.  And then, about 15 minutes later, we repeat that fun little cycle.  The only break I get from that is at night.  I don't know if it's because gravity is more in my favor at that time or not.  I'm not saying I don't still get up in the night.  I now get up twice every night.  This is when I choose to change sides I'm sleeping on as well -- sort of convenient that way.  This is when, if I have been sleeping on my back like a bad girl, I remember another reason I shouldn't.  I manage to haul myself out of bed and stand up, and, if I've been on my back, I literally have a hitch in my step -- and I go much more slowly -- on the way to the bathroom.  Which you may know that having to go slower with a very full bladder and a very pregnant stomach is not the most ideal time to have to go slower....  You kind of want to get there -- fast.  But anyway, my back at lower left will get a hitch or something as a result of my bad sleeping position choice, and I will limp my way to the toilet.  I feel like an old lady.  Hahaha.  It's usually gone when I'm headed back to bed.  Just writing this makes me laugh.

11.  Cravings. Lots of people have asked me about cravings.  My best answer is that I crave anything sweet.  Which has probably always been true for me, but it seems amplified.  Like I can't get enough sweet stuff.  The specific craving I've noticed here towards the end of pregnancy is root beer.  I have no idea why.  It just started to sound so good, and I had to have it.  This coming from someone who had pretty much cut out sodas from life entirely.  I might have a soda every once in a while at a fast food place or something.  But I didn't care about soda -- and I certainly never bought it for home.  But that changed one day, and I needed a root beer.  And now I have some cans of A&W under the bed for when I just need root beer.  Haha...  Cheaper than buying one at Walgreen's, that's for sure.  (Sometimes -- okay, often -- I'm an impulse buyer!)

12.  I Need a Hoist!  It would make it easier to get out of bed.  Or just to change positions.  I feel pretty badly that I may be disrupting my sweetie's sleep with every time I need to move.  He says I don't.  I still worry about it.  Because it takes a lot of effort for me to just change positions.  Which is why I mostly only change it when I go potty at night.  Twice.  Haha...  I mean, you can't just roll over.  Well, I guess you could, but I think I'd experience a lot more of those pulled muscles that hurt like the dickens.  I'm telling you... It's like a bowling ball in your shirt and you're trying to maneuver with it!  I've also noticed the increased level of difficulty in getting off the couch these days.  It takes me longer.  I think that's the theme for a lot of things:  it takes me longer. 

I hope none of this sounds whiney.  I don't feel that way at all.  Yes, some of these things I've described are uncomfortable and inconvenient.  But it's all part of this miracle I'm experiencing.  And I can honestly say I have enjoyed it -- even the weird and uncomfortable things.  I love feelings this baby wiggle around.  I love snuggling up to Jeremy's back at night and feeling the baby kick him in the butt (since that's where my stomach lines up these days...).  Haha.  It makes me laugh.  I sit and watch my stomach move while Jeremy reads scriptures for us at night (this baby is usually most active between 8 and 9 p.m.).  And I am realizing that these moments are so fleeting.  In a matter of days (possibly), this baby will be born and my stomach will no longer contort and shift and change with the movement of the baby.  Yes, we hope we'll be blessed with more children.  But this baby will be born.  All these firsts will be over.  And as excited as I am to meet our baby and hold it and know if it's a he or a she ;)...  To love it even more.  In some ways, it still does feel bittersweet.  And this is why I am savoring every moment.  Because there will a come a day when we will be done having babies -- and I may forget just how wonderful it feels to feel the baby wiggle around inside of me :).

And speaking of root beer...  So that's what Jeremy and I did for our date night this past weekend.  We had root beer floats and watched Napoleon Dynamite.  We went out last weekend to this Chinese/Mongolian grill place that we really like.  We figured it may be our last chance to do that without a baby either with us (on the outside of the womb ;)) or finding a baby sitter for Baby...  So we just celebrated our couple-dom with some food we really enjoyed :).  But anyway, back to the root beer floats.  See :).  Oy, and pictures of me like this are so unflattering.  But, that's life.  I have a big belly.  And big other parts too.  Hahaha. 

So this is my 599th post. We'll see if Baby announcing is post 600 -- or if Baby is going to keep baking for a while longer ;).