Stretching

I officially have a new stretch mark.  Yes, I said a new one.  Because once upon a time, I weighed this much without being pregnant.  And I got stretch marks then.  Attractive, huh?  But reality.  They mostly faded over time and weren't noticeable.  But I will say getting stretch marks from being overweight is not the kind of thing you want to remember.  Stretch marks from pregnancy stands for something beautiful.  Even if they, themselves, are not beautiful.  So now I have one beautiful stretch mark :).  And don't worry:  I won't post a picture of that.  Haha.

So yes, physically, I am stretching.  And growing.

I think I'm doing that figuratively too.  Not by choice.  And I will be honest:  I'm not a fan of the growing and stretching process for one's character.  It's usually quite painful.  Without the details, I will just say I have had a hard few weeks.  I assume some of it can be attributed to the extra hormones.  I've read the books, and they indicate such.  I have crazy mood swings.  I'm more irritable.  I feel overwhelmed with some of my responsibilities.  I feel frustrated with people.  I feel "not good enough," not likeable, and not liked.  I feel like crying at the drop of a hat -- or when I get a text from Juliebean saying she wishes I was there watching "The 80s: the decade that made us" documentary (because I wish that too).  I feel like running away (and sometimes that entails going back in time -- impossible).  And then I feel guilt.  Guilt for feeling so woe is me.  I feel like an ingrate.  Sounds like fun, huh?  I will say I'm grateful for Jeremy who is riding this wave with me and reminding me that I can keep going forward when I feel like I can't or -- more often -- when I simply don't want to.  I'm grateful for how he loves me and bolsters me and encourages me and tells me that I'm a good person, even when I feel like I'm not.  So I'm trying really hard to push out the sad depressing feelings that are quick to attack.

And Jeremy and I kept our calendars clear this Saturday for some us time -- and a change in routine.  I need it.  I have less than 5 weeks until my due date, and 2 of those weekends are already packed full.  And the other two that aren't right now will have me even bigger than I am now.  Then we will be a three-some.  Our days as a couple are almost over, in a sense.  So we are planning a day together tomorrow, and who knows what we'll do :).  Maybe we'll go to the Cheesecake Factory :).  It'll wear me out -- the walking in Seattle -- but I think it will be fun.

I had another doctor's appointment yesterday.  All still on track.  Baby still head down.  My blood pressure still good.  Weight gain not so fabulous as last time (6 pounds), and, of course, that made me want to cry.  But I'm trying to just stay positive and know that (as indicated in my confession about stretch marks above), I have lost this weight before, so I can do it again :).  The doctor and I discussed more in-depth stuff this time -- like what I plan to do for pain and whether we plan to circumcise if it's a boy.  I will schedule the Stork Express visit at the hospital for next week or so, so I can get pre-registered.  Then it'll be back to the doc a week after that, when I'm at 37 weeks.  Appointments are definitely getting closer together!  I feel baby daily now in one way or another.  Not so many kicks, but lots of wiggles.  It does seem the baby goes into hibernation mode for a couple days where the movements are less frequent.  I think it's an interesting pattern.  I've also noted Baby is much more active at night.  I think it takes after mommy that way ;).  Baby likes to sleep in -- just like I do!

So since I was at the doctor's clinic, I ran some more errands in that area.  One of them was to get an actual maternity something for my baby showers.  I can't believe how expensive these things are!  I guess I'm just cheap.  But I wanted something nicer than just jeans and a t-shirt.  I found something I liked, and it was on clearance for $10.  It's just a top, but I can wear it with jeans and it looks dressier.  So I'm happy with that.  And I happened upon an awesome sale at JC Penney's!  Nothing maternity (they informed me they only carry maternity stuff online now), but all these kids' clothes for $3!!!  So I got some Christmas presents for the nieces and nephews!  5 pairs of jeans and 2 shirts for $23!!!  I walked the whole mall -- and it wore me out.  But it was pretty fun to find such a deal!

And so I have some pictures.  Sorry for the abundance of them, but I took a few this past week and figured I'd just post them all.

This is me at 34 weeks and 1 day. After a walk in the misty rain with Tawni.

This is the view I see when I look down -- at 34 weeks 6 days.

And here I am at 35 weeks exactly.

And here is my new shirt -- front view. 35 weeks 1 day.  Dressing room shot ;).

Side view. At least this makes my legs look skinny ;). Haha.