Thinking About Birthing

I'm nearing the end of the second trimester.  I can see my stomach "move" along with the baby more and more.  Other than my stretchy elastic pajama pants (and t-shirts that I always have bought XL), there is only one non-maternity piece of clothing I can still zip up -- and it's a skirt that is normally quite large on me anyway.  All signs are pointing to the end being in sight (not that this has felt long or awful by any means, I might add).  But it is occurring to me that I have no clue what's coming.  Like, at all.  Oh sure, I know there's a fun little process called birth.  And I've seen the "Miracle of Life" video more than once (and thanks to an 11th grade Physiology teacher who believed the fact that most of us in class would either go through it or witness their wife go through it, I (and the rest of the class) got to experience the not-so-pleasant ending about 5 times in one day).  So I guess I'm not completely clueless.  But I have a sneaking suspicion that being the outside observer is quite different from being the first-person experiencer.  And yes, I'm making that word up. 

So in the last two nights, I've started reading some birth stories (read: giving myself nightmares). 

Let me just say that I appreciate my cousins who shared details of their natural-birth birth stories.  I have re-visited them in the last 24 hours.  I also read some other natural-birth stories on a website solely dedicated to that.  Natural-birth being without pain medication.  I will say some of those stories seemed a bit whackadoo to me.  Mostly just the different belief systems the authors appear to subscribe to.  But still, it gave me quite a spectrum of different experiences -- from the "oh, I didn't even feel contractions until I was 8 cm dilated" to "I was moaning and roaring in a squatting position after peeing in a bed-pan."  (The latter seems scary to me -- I so want to be like the 8 cm lady!) 

I find that life and maturity will change a person.  I can remember wanting to have 12 kids.  Because I loved babies so much.  Good reason, right ;)?  Then I found out about something called an episiotomy (is that spelled right?).  I guess I was still in naive la-la-land, because that procedure sounded phenomenally horrible and I knocked my 12 down to 3.  Then I realized that it was likely that, with all the other pain I was going to be experiencing, that episiotomy was probably not going to be super noticeable (during the birth process at least), which gave me pause to consider just how much pain I would be in in general.  Possibly I started experiencing the joy of menstrual cramps by that point and learned that contractions are like that -- but a whole lot worse.  And that 3 became a big goose-egg.  Zero.  I'm pretty wimpy.  But over time, I realized I really did want to have children.  And my number was back at 3 (besides, I'd learned of something called an epidural, and that was my ticket!).  Then it climbed to 4 with the acknowledgement that I wouldn't even mind having 5.  Well...  Age has a way of putting a damper on things, and I doubt I'll have 5.  But the point is...  Even though I intellectually know (as opposed to first-hand-experience know) that this will be incredibly painful, I do want to be a mother of more than one. And I want very much to try to do this without pain medication.  And it's not so much because I want to experience all the feelings of it.  It's more because I know that whatever is being given to me is also going to affect the baby.  And okay, so I'm not the best with eating super-healthy.  But I do want to try to do this without pain meds.  And, disclaimer:  I do not judge anyone who chooses otherwise.  Because, as I indicated before, I know my ability to tolerate pain is not high, and even though I may want it one way, I may not make it through.  And also, I believe these decisions are personal and individual and people need to do what is best for them and their situation. 

My mother has a huge pain tolerance.  And a laid back personality.  I didn't get those cool genes.  She had 4 kids and went natural with all four.  Of course, options were more limited in those days, but still.  I am in awe.  Especially when she tells me of having my older brother Ben (her first child) at age 19.  Apparently there was another woman in labor at the same time, and I think they shared rooms then, divided only by a curtain.  Anyway, the other woman was moaning and groaning and screaming, and I guess a nurse or doctor commented to that lady that she was making more noise than my mom, who was further along in the process (and I guess that meant was most likely in more pain) and my mom was silent.  Can I just say I don't want to be moaning and groaning in front of a bunch of people?  For some people that may feel natural and right.  For me it just seems awkward.  So that scares me a bit -- to be in that much pain that I might want to moan and groan with a bunch of strangers in the room.  Of course, under normal circumstances, I guess I wouldn't want a roomful of strangers poking around in places I prefer to keep covered; but I have heard modesty pretty much goes out the window during this blessed event.  And that scares me a little too!

So why am I writing this?  Well... my musings.  Might as well document them.  And also because I know some of my blog readers (probably most of them) have already "been there, done that" (meaning child birth - in any form).  So please feel free to share advice, opinions, thoughts, experiences.  I moderate comments, so if you don't want something posted -- tell me and I won't post it.  I will read it and file it away mentally for my own information.  I know there are different "methods" out there that are supposed to help ease (or at least help you cope with) labor (breathing techniques, etc).  What do you recommend?  What worked for you?

I know women do this all the time.  Women have been having babies since the days of Adam and Eve.  And I'm pretty sure there weren't epidurals then.  So I know I can do this.  Now to psych myself up for it and at least become knowledgeable :).  And hope I don't scare myself too much ;).