Time May Change Me

Over the past year, more so than any other time in my life, I have realized how much I have changed. Time has changed me, just as David Bowie suggested that it might. I alluded to the fact that I was once quite averse to the idea of changing. I didn't want to believe that I would change. I guess I feared that, if I changed, I would somehow cease to be Hila. I'm sure I was changing all along, in spite of my declarations that I hadn't or that I wouldn't. And maybe the changes were small and imperceptible day-by-day, but over time, they were more noticeable. I really don't know. What I do know is that I can look back now and see how the past year has definitely changed me... and perhaps it really has been happening for longer than that. Perhaps, in my fight against change, I had to be put into situations where I would change and grow and learn. I think it has happened. And I'm sure it will continue to happen.

I'm far more outspoken than I ever used to be. I let my opinions be heard. I say what is on my mind. If something is bothering me, I speak it. I don't squash down those feelings out of fear of some form of repercussion. If something hurts my feelings, I say so. I have the right to do that. It's something I wasn't as good at before. I would just bottle it up and let it fester. Which only hurt me, in the end.

I'm far more outgoing than I used to be. I know I am still quiet at times, especially in new places surrounded by people that I don't know. But I have found that I am an extrovert. I am a social person. I crave associations with friends and family. I don't want to close myself off from the world. I am not content with that. There was a time in my life when I thought I was an introvert. In the past 3 years, I realized that I'm not. I don't know if that personality trait has changed or if I've just become aware of it. But what has changed is the way I deal with it. I desire to have parties and create social situations where friends can gather, talk, play, eat, and have fun :).

I'm much more independent. Okay, so maybe not financially. But in other, perhaps more important, ways. I have a stronger sense of self. I like who I am, and I am confident in the choices I make. I've had to work through a lot of different situations all by myself, and I've come out the other end stronger for it. I know I can stand on my own. I know I have the strength to get through trials on my own, even if I may wish I had someone by my side with whom to weather life's storms.

Of course, there's always the bad side. Perhaps I'm too sassy. Perhaps I'm too headstrong and stubborn. Perhaps I'm too dictatorial ;). I have a lot to work on... And I know that.

Okay, so this was kind of a boring post of random thoughts. But, it's been bouncing around in my head. Thought I'd jot it down. I've changed. [Life (and] time) [will] change me... And it's okay.