Keeping a Record

 

It's been a lot of years since I did anything with this blog. So much has happened, both to me personally, and to the world. It would be impossible to capture it all in one blog post. I guess the highlights would be that we had a fourth surprise baby in 2019. We lived through a world-wide pandemic. And Jeremy severed from the nuclear plant in Alabama and after a very long year of looking for a new job (this was due to a lot of stuff which resulted from the aforementioned pandemic), he finally got one in Nebraska. Which would seem completely weird, if we hadn't limited our search to the Midwest, with a heavy focus on Missouri. And that was just based on feelings he and I both had. 

Anyway, that's actually what leads me to this blog today. To the decision to try to start writing on it again. 

See, I've recently been listening to a podcast that goes along with the Come Follow Me curriculum for church (of yeah, there's another big change since I last wrote! Two hour church and a home-centered church program). Anyway, I won a book by the lady that does the podcast. I posted the picture of the book with this post. And I love it. One thing she has said on both the podcast and in the book is that Heavenly Father knows where the words are that we need at any given moment. Today I needed the words I once wrote almost 15 years ago.  You can find those words here.

There's really something about reading your own words testifying of something you need to be reminded about.  And having your past self direct your present self to a talk that is just as applicable now as it was then.  I'm so grateful I once was so diligent in keeping this blog.  And in including the spiritual experiences of my life.  Because it blessed me today.  So I think I will try again.  I will try to be better about keeping a record.  For myself, and for my posterity.  To me, these events today, leading me to my words from 2008, are a little miracle.

Anyway, so what has had me feeling like I needed these words?  Well, life. It's such a complicated story that to tell it all would take longer than I have.  But the long and short of it is that it's been over a year since Jeremy moved to Nebraska to take a job.  I was determined this past summer to find a house myself.  To go up there and "fix" things.  And I tried.  Goodness, I tried.  And then, the day I left Nebraska to come back to Alabama, I decided to look at a house that had come up in Nebraska, even though we'd started focusing on Missouri for a place to live.  And I thought, after looking at it, that it was worth considering.  And I told Jeremy so.  It took me about 2 weeks or so to convince him.  So then we were going to make an offer on it.  But before the written offer was submitted, Jeremy got a call from a former co-worker here, asking him if he'd consider coming back.  This was a possibility we'd never considered, because it was basically told to him when he severed that it would never happen.  So, we backed off the house offer to fast and pray.  Both of us had the same thoughts (which is so rare for us, we pay attention when it happens):  our biggest growth opportunities lie in staying with his employer in Nebraska.  It makes no sense.  Absolutely none.  But we both felt it.  So we turned down the Alabama thing, and returned to pursuing the house.  And things were going along so well.  In fact, I'd be sleeping right outside of St. Louis right now, if things had continued as I had anticipated.  But I'm not.  I'm in Alabama.  And Jeremy is in Nebraska. Because the house inspection happened and it didn't go well.  It has hurt a lot for things to be this way.  For every door we've tried to go through to close in our faces.  I have felt so confused and frustrated and powerless.  And I needed the words I wrote so long ago.  To remind me.  That I'm not forgotten.  That, though I can't see it right now, the Lord is orchestrating things to bless me in ways I can't even imagine.  I just need to exercise active hope, hold on, and keep going.

Katherine -- 8 Months

Sweet Katherine,

The days are passing so quickly I can't keep up!  Here you are 8 months old, and I am a week behind again. 

So what is new this month?  Well the yucky part is the nasty cold you've had for 2 weeks now. But other than a little less stellar sleep at night for a few nights and an absolute disgust for having your nose cleaned, you've handled it well. 

You are rolling over both ways now.  And you're wanting to move, so it will only be a short time before you're crawling. I am not in any rush, but you are!   You can grab almost anything you really want.  And put it in your mouth.  So you've leaned (well, since you keep doing it, maybe you haven't learned! ) that we don't eat leaves (because they make you spit up). 

You sit in your high chair like a pro and think it is funny to slouch down and then slam your upper body against the back of it. You will tolerate being fed baby food, but you really prefer feeding yourself. So you have enjoyed Cheerios, canned green beans, pasta noodles,  soft carrots,  potatoes,  and mushy oatmeal.  And a taste of ice cream,  because Mommy is naughty.  But you think it's great. 

You still love bath time and throw an absolute fit when it is time to dry off and get dressed. You also still nurse for comfort. You don't suck your thumb and pacifiers are just toys to you, so we will see when you decide to completely give up nursing. 

You have 4 teeth now, and you like to them! You chew on everything, and we were starting to have to teach you about the word NO.  Mostly when you try to bite mommy. 

You are still happy most of the time,  and you have the happiest big smile! Your laugh is contagious and you are quite ticklish! 

You adore Lynnaea. Sometimes she is the only one who can get a smile out of you. You love Corbin, too,  and he loves you. Watching his efforts to be sweet and considerate towards you melts my heart.

You are a snuggler  when you first wake up.  I pick you up and you bury your little head in the crook of my neck. I love that. And I love feeling your sweet little baby hands on my cheeks (but don't so much enjoy your little claws! ).

Oh!  And you're starting to form your language skills!   Sometimes you really get going with your babas and yayas and dadas and mamas. It's really cute! 

So yes, you are growing.  So quickly. And I love being witness to it all. How I love you, my precious girl. How grateful I am you are mine.

Love Always, 

Mommy

Katherine -- 7 Months

Oh my Lovely Katherine,

I blew it.  I missed your 6 month post.  We were on vacation in Washington when you turned 6 months, so I didn't have ready access to a computer.  I told myself I'd write it when we got back.  And then that didn't happen either.  And here I am, a week late writing your 7 month post.  I am not quite sure how one extra kiddo (that's you, sweet cheeks ;)) has made it so my time flies by; but you have!  I was determined, though, not to let the whole month pass this time without writing a little something. And I'll do my very best not to let it happen again.  For the record, you did a great job traveling on the airplane and showed your Grandma and Grandpa in Washington what a sweet girl you are. Did I mention you had your first two teeth by the time you were 6 months?  Well, you did :).  The two front bottoms.

So you've mastered the whole sitting up by yourself thing.  You love to sit and play with your toys, and you'll actually sit quite contentedly doing so when you're in a happy mood.  Which is not in the evenings.  You love to eat "real" food and have tried many varieties of baby food.  You're a good eater.  You also love to feed yourself, so you enjoy Cheerios (which you sometimes don't manage to get in your mouth) and those rice rusk things.  Those are actually your faves, because they are big and you don't have to have those pesky fine motor skills.  But you really are doing well with those anyway, because you are great at picking up the Cheerios.  It's just a little tougher getting them into your mouth. You're great at grabbing:  hair, other peoples' food, toys you shouldn't have...  Ugh.  If it's even remotely within your reach, you go for it!

And, of course, everything goes in your mouth!  You learned how to click your tongue and sometimes you get into a kick of doing that repeatedly.  It's cute.  You've also started making the early talking sounds:  babababa, yayayaya

You continue to have the best laugh!  I wish I could write it's sound equivalent, but I can't.  Hopefully I'll manage to get it recorded.  Lynnaea still has the ability to make you laugh the most, and we are so grateful she is your big sister.  She's a phenomenal one.

You love bath-time and playing with toys.  Specifically Lynnaea's swimming pony.  You also like to suck on wet washcloths (so I have to bring two to the tub:  one for bathing and one for sucking on!).  You pretty much let me know how much you don't like when I take you out of the bath.

You've become a pretty terrible napper.  Some days you'll take one 2 hour nap and a couple of 45 minute ones.  Some days they are all about an hour.  Some days you'll have one hour-long nap and the rest are like 20 minutes.  So I never know how the day is going to go.  It drives me a little crazy, because I'm kind of a schedule-freak.  But I'm learning to just deal with it.  You pretty much always sleep through the night, so I can't really complain all that much!

You are a mama's girl.  You're happy with Daddy, but once you're tired, you want Mommy.  There are times you are absolutely inconsolable until I hold you, even if Daddy's been holding you and trying to calm you.  You're also my longest-nursing baby.  You pretty much are nursing just for comfort now, so we usually nurse just a couple times a day.  But when you're really upset or tired, that's what you want to do to fall asleep.  Probably a bad habit, but you know...  It'll all work out in the end.

You are a strong girl.  You are beginning to stand on your own while holding onto the couch in the play room.  And you laugh like you know this is a big accomplishment.  You are a smart too.  I love looking at your face as you are working things out.  And I love your blue eyes.  And how your smile lights up your face.  And just everything about you.  You are my sweet baby 3.  And I'll love you forever and ever.

Love Always,

Mommy

Katherine -- 5 Months

Dear Sweet Katherine,

Five months have surely flown by.  When I really stop and think of the fact that we are only 1 month from half a year, it really hits me how fast the time is going.  How fleeting these moments with you as a baby really are.  It makes me want to stop everything and just appreciate the now.  Which isn't really possible.  But I am trying to improve on that where I can, even though I'm rather bad at it. 

So what is the now with you, my Katherine?  Well, I'll tell you ;).

You are strong!  You can pretty much "stand" on laps while holding onto the person's hands.  You can even stand tall even when just being supported at the hips.  Your grip is powerful (just ask my scalp!) and you will grab anything within reach and shove it right into your mouth!  You're also starting to sit up on your own quite well, supported by pillows or the Boppy. 

You've found your toes, which are your favorite thing to reach for when you are sitting.  And yes, you even want to put those in your mouth!  It's always one of the cutest things.

It's not just toys and feet that you put in your mouth these days, though.  We are still nursing before bottles, and you've also started on solid foods!  You're not a super-big fan of this whole eating off a spoon thing, but you are getting better.  True, if Mommy was a little more consistent with you (as she was with your older siblings) you'd probably be a bit better at it by this point.  But you're learning, and it's all good.  So to this point, rice cereal and squash are your newest food experiences.  But you'd really prefer to stick to the bottle.  And when you're in a particularly grumpy mood, you're not hesitant to let me know about that!

You are so full of smiles (except when I try to catch them in a picture -- ha!) and you also have super cute giggles.  Your tummy is ticklish and so is your neck.  And there's nothing quite so sweet as your little feet turning inward toward each other, as though you are clapping them, and your toes grabbing each other.  It's my favorite!

You still enjoy bath time, and you really get upset when I take you out and put you on the diaper changing table to change you.  It's almost the only time you fuss on the diaper changing table.  Usually it's one of your happy places.  Outside is another one.  You love being outside looking at the world around you.  If you're tired, but fighting sleep, we take you out and walk around with you and you usually drift off without fussing.

Unlike your siblings, you have not really taken to a schedule.  I think this is more because you have older siblings who have play dates and activities and you simply learned that naps were 20 to 30 minutes long.  So you take about 4 or 5 short naps a day, though on occasion you'll sleep for 1 1/2 to 2 hours.  You make up for it all though by being a good night sleeper.  You won't go to sleep before Lynnaea and Corbin do, so you're up until about 9:30.  But then it's just you and I in the glider for a bit, and I love that time.  I love the feel of your little baby body against mine as you sleep in the fetal position against me.  This won't happen much longer, really, so I am trying to really soak that all in.  And you sleep all night long (until at least 6:30).  

You're very intrigued by your reflection.  I can tell you're trying to figure out what the deal is as you look from yourself to me and then at the real me.  Your facial expression is pretty hilarious as you contemplate why there are two of "that Mommy lady."

There's so much I want to say, sweet Katherine.  But instead, I'm going to go pick you up from your swing where you are watching me and smiling and telling me it's time to get you.  I love you so very much.  You are such a beautiful blessing, and I'm grateful you are mine.

Love Always,

Mommy

Katherine -- 4 months

Dear Katherine,

How has 4 months passed so quickly!?!  I feel like it really has gone by fast, and that is likely because I am busier than ever.  Have I enjoyed the moments enough?  Have I taken the time to spend with you individually?  I fear often that I do not slow down often enough to just be with you.

You are such a sweet, generally mellow baby.  You tolerate being in your swing or the bumbo or in Corbin's crib staring at his mobile for long periods of time, and you are content.  In fact, with the mobile, you squeal happily!

You are a pretty decent traveler, even at this young age.  We took a weekend trip to Birmingham and you did great, both in the car and in our crazy adventures!  Plus you had no problem sleeping through the night in spite of a room shared with loud siblings and even louder adults!

Your smile is still contagious, and we all love to hear you laugh.  You have a very ticklish tummy, and give the most adorable tickles when I tickle you.  You are making lots of happy sounds these days, and it appears as though you are trying to sing along when we sing directly to you...  You love to be sung to.  You are definitely intense and observant, and you appear to listen intently to people who talk to (or around) you.  You are starting to enjoy putting things in your mouth and love chewing on my hands if you manage to get them into your mouth.

You have complete control over your head and neck, and your leg muscles are very strong.  You stand in my lap all the time (with support, of course).  You sit well in the bumbo and also hang out in the Johnny jumper thing (though you haven't quite realized its awesomeness for jumping yet ;)).

There are many moments I do want time to slow down so you won't grow up so fast.  Before I know it, you'll be starting Kindergarten, just as your sister is about to do.  I love our alone time, Katherine.  It is not frequent -- how could it be?  But we do get some snippets here and there.  Especially at night when I feed you in the glider and hold you for a few moments before laying you down to sleep.  I cherish those moments of feeling your little body on mine.  I cherish the feeling of those little hands grabbing my hair (eve though it hurts when you pull) and those happy eyes staring up at me from the changing table. 

I will enjoy the moments ahead too.  There will be days when you will make me laugh.  But I want so very much to really enjoy these moments too.  These moments where I can walk you to sleep on my shoulder for naps.  These moments where you are learning so much and growing so fast.  I love you, my precious Katherine.  Thank you for being the amazing baby you are.  You really are our perfect #3!

Love Always,

Mommy

Where Are You Going, My Little One?

Time is such a fickle friend.  In so many ways.  The days are long in terms of just getting through.  But the years are short.  And the day -- just to spite the previous statement of them being long -- goes by quicker than I think, and I don't have enough time for all the things I need and want to do.  Such irony.  I'm sure it's just the stage of life in which I am living right now. 

I wish I had more time to record my thoughts about this.  But I don't.  This is a song title post, by the way.  If you're anything like my mom, grab a tissue.

But the gist is this:  Lynnaea starts kinder in the Fall.  And my heart is breaking just a bit already.  Especially when I really stop and think about it.  Today I started envisioning dropping her off at her first day and walking away.  Hoping she won't be too afraid.  Hoping she will find friends.  Hoping she will be a friend.  I started having emotions well up inside of me just thinking about it.

Was it really already so long ago that she was the same size and age as Katherine? 

I am trying to be the best mom I can be.  I want to be the kind of mom my sweet Lynnaea deserves.  Some days it is very, very hard.  But I love her fiercely and I know I will miss her so very much when she isn't here all day.  She's my helper, really, in these crazy days of 3 children.  Sometimes I don't fully realize just how much of a help she has been these past 3 months since Katherine has joined our family.  But every once in a while, I'm given the opportunity to see how much she has helped me -- and to realize just how much she has grown.

She currently loves all things unicorns.  So Saturday, when we went on our mommy-Lynnaea date (trying to do this once a month with both bigger kids now that Katherine has arrived), I bought her the unicorn lollipop, but she bought herself the stuffed unicorn with her own money. 

How grateful I am for my precious girl.

Katherine -- 3 Months

Dearest Katherine,

You are 3 months old today!  It's a small miracle that I'm managing to get this written today (or at the very least, started...  Who knows what will happen in the next five minutes ;)). 

Katherine, you are the perfect addition to this crazy family!  You are generally mellow and calm, tolerant and patient.  I often have to put you in your swing or your rock and play or in Corbin's crib (yes, he still sleeps in that) to look at his mobile while I get stuff done.  Because there is always something to do.  But you accept it and find things to stare at.  You're particularly fond of that mobile and will happily stare at it while "talking" to it for up to 15 minutes at a time.  You're just amazing! 

You are a champion sleeper, Katherine!  Though you still take a lot of shorter naps during the day (usually after being up for an hour to an hour and a half), you will usually go down between 9:30 and 10:30 at night and sleep until at least 6:30 the next morning.  Again, you are patient.  You wait for us to get Lynnaea and Corbin to sleep before going to sleep yourself with your last feeding of the night.  And that's a nice time for you and me, Katherine.  We go and sit in the dark room in the glider and you nurse and drink your bottle until you're asleep.  I am able to hold your sweet little sleeping body against my chest for a while before I lay you down, and I can whisper how much I love you. 

Because I do.  More than words can say.  You are my baby, just as Lynnaea and Corbin are.  Again I have learned that love grows.  There is always enough love. 

You are so strong, my precious girl.  You lift up your head really well and completely support it these days.  You'll sit in your Bumbo chair sometimes (though that's not your favorite thing yet) and look around at your world.  You can "stand" in my and Daddy's laps when we hold your hands.  Not for super-long periods of time, but for a decent amount.  Your legs are your main support.  And you love to do it and look into our faces.

You love being talked to and smiled at.  And you have a big, beautiful happy smile that crinkles your eyes into those happy smiley eyes I love so much.  And you're really starting to "talk"!!  You make some of the happiest sounds!  And even most of your fussy sounds (which aren't heard often) sound so cute I can't help but laugh.  You are generally only fussy when you get tired and are ready for a nap.  Then I put you on my shoulder, and we walk.  I'm pretty sure I've also heard the beginnings of laughter come out.  I'm so excited to hear those happy giggles!

Many people have commented to me that you look like Corbin (I totally agree) and that you're very alert and aware.  Many people commented the same on both of your siblings, so that doesn't really surprise me.  You definitely are, though.  I love watching you watch your surroundings.  True, with an older sister and brother, your surroundings are quite chaotic most of the time.  So I'm sure there's a lot to take in! 

You still love bath time.  You aren't splashing yet, but I'm sure that will come soon.  For now you just sit contentedly in your tub while I bathe you, and you watch me so intently as I talk about washing your hair and your sweet face -- and all your chubby baby fat rolls.  (Don't worry, you're a healthy baby and both Lynnaea and Corbin had those same baby fat rolls!)

You are definitely healthy!  You're about 15 pounds now and 23 1/2" long.  And at your 2-month check-up a little less than a month ago, your pediatrician said you're perfect and he wouldn't change a thing!  I agree -- you are amazingly perfect.

I love you, my precious baby. I don't even have the words to say how much.  Though my time is so divided, I'm grateful for the bits of time here and there that are just for you and me.  I'm grateful I can feel your little hands wrap around my fingers as you fall asleep at night.  Grateful I can hold you in my arms and watch you sleep your sweet sleep.  I love your cute little jiggly cheeks and your big toothless smile.  I love that, as I talk to you while you get a diaper change, you're always giving me the happiest smiles.  Sometimes I forget it, in the chaos of the every day, but I really am living the dream.  Time will pass and you will grow.  And I will forget the exact feel of your body asleep on mine and your fingers wrapped around mine.  So I am grateful for these moments I have and try so hard to cherish being in the moment to experience these wonderful joys of motherhood. 

Thank you, Katherine, for choosing me to be your mommy.  I'm so far from perfect and so far from the kind of mommy I hoped to be.  But I'm grateful every day I get to  be a mommy to you, to Lynnaea, and to Corbin. 

All my love,

Mommy